Author: admin

Red wagon

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Little Jane was sitting in her red wagon with her dad’s fireman hat on, and her father walked by and said man that sure is a fine fire engine you have there.. all you need is a hose, a siren and a motor, and it would be perfect.

The next day her father walks by her again and now she has her hose strapped to the side, a dog tied to the front, and a cat tied to the back.

He says, “Wow! That really looks like a fire engine now, but I think you were also suppose to tie the cat in the front and she says “Then how would I have a siren?”

A Meal To Die For

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There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman. They all worked on the top
of a cliff and the Englishman said, �If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow
I’ll jump off this cliff!�

The Irishman said, �If I have ham tomorrow, I’ll jump off the cliff!�

The Scotsman said, �If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I’ll jump off the
cliff!
It was the next day, and they all had to jump off as the Englishman had cheese
the Irishman had ham and the Scotsman had jam!”
A week later, it was the funeral and the Scottish lady and the English lady
said, “Why didn’t they just tell us they didn’t like what we put in their
sandwiches?”

And the Irish lady said, �I don�t know why my husband jumped off
the cliff he made his own sandwiches!�

Looking for Chocolate

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There was a guy who worked at the grocery store named Jeff. One day a guy named Phil came in and looked for the chocolate. Jeff said, ”I’m so sorry. We just ran out of chocolate.” “Okay.” said Phil. Then Phil started to look around and Jeff asked, “Now What are you looking for?” “I’m still looking for the chocolate.” “Okay fine. ” said Jeff. “Spell STRAW in strawberry.” “S-T-R-A-W” “Now spell BLUE in blueberry.” “B-L-U-E””Good. Now spell FREAK in chocolate.” “There is no FREAK in chocolate!”

Bobby’s In Trouble

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Bobby was in kindergarten. “For homework, I want all of you
to go home and find out the first four letters of the alphabet,”
said the teacher. So when Bobby got home, he went to his mother,
who was talking on the phone.
“What’s the first letter of the alphabet?” he asked.
“Aw, shut up,” said his mom. Next, Bobby went to his brother,
who was watching TV.
“What’s the second letter of the alphabet?” Bobby asked.
“FREAKAZOID!” exclaimed his brother, who had not heard a word
of what Bobby had said. Next, Bobby went to his sister, who had
on her headphones and was dancing around like crazy to a song.
“What’s the third letter of the alphabet?” he asked.
“Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” she said. Next, Bobby went to his dad,
who was taking out the garbage.
“What’s the fourth letter of the alphabet?” Bobby asked.
“Trash, trash, trash!” his dad said. The next day at school,
Bobby’s teacher called on him.
“Bobby, what’s the first letter of the alphabet?” she asked.
“Aw, shut up!” said Bobby.
“Who do you think you are?” she asked angrily.
“FREAKAZOID!” answered Bobby.
“Do you want to go to the principal’s office?!!”
“Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” he said. So, his teacher took Bobby to
the principal’s office.
“What do you think this school is?” demanded the principal.
“Trash, trash, trash!”

Field of Dreams

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A blonde lady was driving down the road injoying the sceenery and the breeze in her hair when she saw another blonde woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a field of wheat, rowwing. Hitting hard on the brakes, she spun the car aound and drove back to the woman in the boat. Slamming her car door she stomps over to the edge of the wheat field and yelled “It is stupid people like you that give blondes a bad name! And if I could swim, I would come out there and give you what for!”

Ebonics Christmas

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Ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
An’ all ower de hood
ereybody wuz’ sleepin’
Dey wuz sleepin’ good

We hunged up our stockings
An hoped like de’ heck
That ol Sanna Clause
Be bringin’ our check

All o’de fambily
Wuz layin in de beds
While Ripple and Thunderbird
Dance tru’ dey heads

I passed out inna’ flo
Right nex to my Maw
When I heard sech a fuss
I thunk: “It mus be de law!!!”

I looked out thru de bars
What covered my doe
‘spectin’ de sheriff
Wif a warrent fo sho

And what did I see
I said, “Lawd look at dat!!”
Ther’ wuz a huge watermellon
Pulled by giant warf rats!!

Now ober all de years
Santa Clause, he be white
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis nite

Faster dan a Po’lees car
My home boy he came
He whupped on dem warf rats
An’ called dem by name!

On Leroy, on ‘Lonzo
And on Willie Lee
On Saphire, on Chenequa
Dey wuz a site to see!!

As he landed dat watta’ mellon
Out der in da skreet
I knowed it was fo’ sho’
Da damndest site I ebber did see

He didn’t go down no chimbley
He picked da’ lock on my doe
An’ I sez to myself
“Shit!! He done dis befoe!!!”

He had dis big bag
Full of prezents I ‘xpect
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
To wear roun’ my neck

But he not leevin no prezents
Jus stealing my shit
Got my drugs, got my guns
Got my crack pipe…still lit!

Wit my stuff in de bag
Out da window he flewed
I woudda’ tried to cut him
But he stoled my ‘nife too!!

He jumped on dat wadda’ mellon
An’ whipped out a switch
He wuz gone in a seccon’
Dat sum of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin’
Anutha Sanna we git
Cuz’ diz here Sanna Clause
Jus’ ain’t werf a shit!!!

Murry Crimmus