A priest who went into the country to pay a visit to a 92 year old church member whom he had not seen for many years. She welcomed him into the parlor. While she made tea, he looked around and saw a beautiful oak pump organ with a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was half filled with water and a condom was floating on top of it. Astonished and shocked, he quickly turned away. But after tea curiosity got the best of him and he asked her about it.’Oh yes,’ she said enthusiastically. ‘While in town last year I found a package on the sidewalk. The directions on the back said ‘keep wet and put on your organ to prevent disease. And you know, I think it works. I haven’t had a cold all winter’
Author: admin
Closed Bull's Ey
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
The problem is at your end
One of Microsoft’s finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, “It’s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!”
Heaven
three men died and went to heaven and were waiting for St Peter to come to the door. When he did he told all three men they could only come in if they had something in there pocket to represent xmas. the first man pulled a lighter out and said its a candle. so St Peter let him in. the second on pulled kays out and jingled them and said its the xmas bells. so St Peter let him in. the third man pulled a pair of knickers out and St Peter was confused and asked what do they represent? and the third man replied,there Carols!
Backwards
Paddy went to a riding stable and hired a horse.
“Hold on for a moment,” said the assistant as he helped him on to the horse, “aren’t you putting the saddle on backwards?”
“Why, you don’t even know which way I want to go!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Red neck
Q.what does the red neck say before he gets injured?
A. hey watch this.
What does a gay frog sound like?…
What does a gay frog sound like?”RUBIT”What does a japenese artist sound like when he sneezes?”HI-CUE”WHY do bald people put holes in there pockets?So they can rub there fingers through their hair”
Filthy Rich
Did you here about the posh school where all the pupils smelled?
It was for filthy rich kids only.
Chemistry song 05
Deck the LabsDeck the labs with rubber tubingFa la la la la, la la la la.Use your funnel and your filterFa la la la la, la la la la.Don we now our goggles and apronsFa la la la la, la la la la.Before we go to our lab stationsFa la la la la, la la la la.Fill the beakers with solutionsFa la la la la, la la la la.Mix solutions for reactionsFa la la la la, la la la la.Watch we now for observationsFa la la la la, la la la la.So we can collect our dataFa la la la la, la la la la.
Airline
A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It’s a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, “I’m so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class.”
“I can do What-eva I want, I’m a blonde.” Well I’ll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says,” What did you say?”
The pilot simply says,” I told her 1st class wasn’t going to Miami, just coach was!!!”
How Old Am I?
A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends
$5,000 and feels really great about the result.
On his way home he stops at a news stand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t
mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About 35,” was
the reply. “I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order
taker the same question, to which the reply is, “Oh you look
about 29″. “I am actually 47!” This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same
question. She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is
going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a
mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes I
will be able to tell your exact age.”
As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and
let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47.”
Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”
The old lady replies, “I was in line behind you at McDonalds.”
Your daddy
Your daddys a theif he stole the stars from the sky & put them in your eyes.
YOUR MAMAS A THEIF SHE STOLE THE TYRES OFF MY CAR & PUT THEM
IN YOUR LIPS.