All of Iraq’s Walmarts and Kmarts are turning into Targets.
Author: admin
Prick
While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent.
When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a sexy body as well.
Unfortunately, the executive found himself unable to perform.
Limp as a dish rag!
On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.
Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection.
Looking down at his penis, he snarled, “Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch. Now I know why they call you a prick!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent
Nailing
Paddy and Mick were nailing up the side of a wooden house.
Mick noticed that Paddy was examining the nails and throwing away every second or third nail.
“What’s wrong with the nails?” he asked.
“The heads are at the wrong end.”
“You are stupid you idiot, can’t you see they are for the other side of the house!”
Speak
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he’s willing to bet anyone who says he can’t.
The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, “What’s the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?” The dog answers “ROOF.” The bartender says, “Who are you kidding? I’m not paying.”
The dogs owner says, “How about double or nothing and I’ll ask him something else.”
The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, “Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?” The dog answers with a muffled “RUTH.”
With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.
As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, “DiMaggio?”
Professional Test
Take the following test to see how qualified you are to be a
professional.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Open the door put the giraffe in and close the door. This tests
whether you are doing simple things in a complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Open the door take the giraffe out and put the elephant in then
close the door. This tests your memory.
3. The lion king is holding an animal conference. All the
animals attend except one, which one?
The elephant, he is in the refrigerator! This tests your
thinking ability.
4. There is a river known for its man-eating crocodiles. How do
you cross it?
You swim, all the animals are at the conference. This tests all
three.
If you answered all four correctly you would be perfect for a
profession. If you answered one correctly you should go into
marketing. If you answered none correctly you should play for
Man United.
yore momma is so dum she wint to the 50 sents…
yore momma is so dum she wint to the 50 sents conserd and she brog a bag a penns wit her
This is a funny one!
There is a one story house, the cieling is green, the funiture is red, the carpet is purple, the fridge is black, the sink is orange , and the counter is yellow. What is the color of the stairs?
answer: there is no stairs its a one story house remember.
Blonde Joke Jackpot!
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can’t bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
Sure Fire Ways To Know You’re A Woman
1. Whine
2. When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no.
Then get mad when you are believed.
3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,
start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.
4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
5. Whine.
6. If you are trying to sleep, it’s because you’re exhausted from your
almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to
sleep, it’s because he is lazy.
7. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.
8. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.
9. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying
for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required
gifts proving his love.
10. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle,
tell him you’re irregular from all of the stress of your life.
11. Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend
must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed
immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.
12. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about
doing anything other than catering to your needs.
Random Acts of Stupi
Curators at India’s Baroda Museum reportedirreparable damage to a priceless 3,000-year-old mummy, done by an overzealous cleaningperson who apparently opened the mummy’s case and vacuumed the body. The vacuum removedancient dust, peeled toe paint, sucked off part of the nose, and loosened bandages.
A redneck and the squirl on the chickens back
Well a red neck likes to stand beside the highway a lot and a few weeks ago he saw a squirl on a chikens back crossing the road and asked him why he crossed the road on the chickens back and he said “because im tied to the dang chickens back now get me off please.
Try This
Title: ‘try this :-)’ $ nslookup – hastur.rlyeh.netand then: > set querytype=txt > set domain=adventureand then: > 1(and press enter :-P)