In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a McDonald’s hamburger recently. Here’s David Letterman’s explanation in his Top 10 formatTop Ten List… McDonald’s excuses for the condom in the Big Mac10. We were test marketing the new ”McTrojan” 9. Condom, Condiment – what’s the damn difference 8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe 7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake 6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true 5. We’re experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal 4. So what – a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway 3. Employees too embarrassed to say ”Would you like condoms with that” 2. Drive-thru speaker broken-”Coke with lots of ice” sounded like ”Prophylactic device” 1. When you’re serving billions and billions, you can’t be too careful.
Author: admin
Deciding on how many kids
A newly married couple was visiting friends when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he’d put an end to things by saying boldly, “After our second child, I’ll just have a vasectomy.”Without a moment’s hesitation, the bride retorted, “Well, I hope you’ll love the third one as if it’s your own.”
New On The Job
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words ‘open me first,’ and the other three are numbered 1 to 3.
He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying:’ These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third.’
The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them.
Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast.
After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. Shoe opens the first one and it says: ‘Blame me, your predecessor for everything’.
Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody’s happy.
A few month later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, ‘Blame the government for everything’.
It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved.
A month later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes directly to the third envelope and it reads, ‘Prepare 4 new envelopes’
IRS wants to audit Monica Lewinsky
The IRS wants to audit Monica Lewinsky to see if she’s claimed the money she
saved by eating at Bill’s.
Another farmers daughter
There was a traveling salesman whose car became hopelessly stuck in a snow bank during a recent blizzard in North Dakota. It took him several hours to make it to the nearest farm house, but frozen half to death, he finally reached the front door and knocked on it. A grizzled old farmer answered and the salesman pleaded for a place to spend the night. ‘Why sure, young fella, I can give ya a place to bunk,’ said the hospitable old man. ‘But, I ain’t got no daughter for ya to sleep with, like ya always hear about in them thar jokes.’ ‘Oh!’ said the salesman. Then thinking a moment or two said, ‘Just how far is it to the next house?’
Stud
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.
You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. What’ll it be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?”
“No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing.”
“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”
“Why?” asketh the Lord.
“He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Definitions of A Diplomat:
Definitions of A Diplomat:
Always knows what to talk about, but doesn’t always talk about what he knows.
Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats.
Can always make himself misunderstood.
Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans.
Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable.
Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi.
Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.
Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest.
Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests.
Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat.
Can make nothing sound like something.
Can put his best foot forward when he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
Can put his foot down without stepping on someone’s toes.
Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way.
Can tell a man he’s open-minded when he means he has a hole in his head.
Can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you look forward to the trip.
Comes right out and says what he thinks when he agrees with you.
Divides his time between running for office and running for cover.
Has a straightforward way of dodging issues.
Knows how far to go before he goes too far.
Lets you do all the talking while he gets what he wants.
Never tells a woman how nice she looks in a gown. He tells her how nice the gown looks on her.
Puts his cards on the table, but still has some up each sleeve.
Straddles an issue whenever he isn’t dodging one.
Will approach every question with an open mouth.
Will lay down your life for his country.
Will refuse to answer any question on the ground it might eliminate him.
What”s that
there is this guy and he has no arms and his balls itch so he goes around asking people if they can scratch them he goes up to a girl and asks her to scratch them and she says no but she says nobut he says please ive got no arms so she does it and sayswhat is that and he took his arms out of his shirt and says i dont know but i wuznt going to touch it
Definition #1
Definition of USMC
Uncle Sams Misguided Childern
A test
With all your honor and dignity, what would you do?
This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one. Please don’t answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer,you will be able to test where you stand, morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision, one
way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest yet, spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line. This is important for the test to work accurately.
You’re in Florida,Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are masses of water all around you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
You’re trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it. Suddenly, you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away by the water and mud. You move closer.
Somehow the woman looks familiar. suddenly you know who it is. It’s Hillary Rodham Clinton! At the same time, you notice that the raging waters are about to take her away, forever.
You have two options. You can save her or you can take the best photo of your life. So, you can save the life of Hillary Rodham Clinton, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo. A unique photo, displaying the death of one of the world’s most powerful women.
And here’s the question: (Please give an honest answer)
Would you select color film, or go with the simplicity of classic black and white ?
Submitted by bootstrap
Edited by Christine
32 rednecks
What do you get when you put 32 rednecks in a room?
:A full set of teeth!!!!!
Stop that!
A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down.
As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts �Stop that!�
To which the waiter replies, �Sure, which way did it go?�
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo