What weighs 2000 pounds and lays at the bottom of the ocean?
Moby’s Dick!
Author: admin
You can identify your friends
You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.You put a Clapper on your headlights.
Carrot, Tomato, and
There’s a carrot, a tomato, and a penis. The carrot said “I have the worst life of all. I get chopped up, put in a cake, and eaten.”The tomato says “No, I have the worst life of all. I get chopped up, put in a salad, and eaten”.Then the penis said, “I, my friends, have the worst life of all. I get a plastic bag shoved over my head, and then pushed back and forth into a warm tunnel until I choke!”.
The Dog Did It
A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parent’s house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the fart. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women’s feet, and said in a rather stern voice, “Bailey!” The woman thought, “This is great!”, and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and said sternly, “Get out of here Bailey!” The dog didn’t move. Once again the woman smiled and thought, “Yes!” A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled at train whistle blowing. Finally, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “Dammit, Bailey, get away from her before she shits on you!”
How Do You Count Cows?
Q: What does a farmer count his cows with?
A: A Cow-culator!
your family is so poor i went to your house…
your family is so poor i went to your house and steped on a ciggeret bud and your momma said who turned off the heater
When asked for her occupation,
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a
traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge
rose from the bench. “Madam, I have
waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this
court,” he smiled with
delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not
pass through a red light’ five hundred times.”
The guy who had sex with another guy
this guy said hello to a guy sating at the bar.
the guy sating at the bar said hi how are you.
the first guy says i am doing fine.
the second guy says do you like men because i do.
the first guy says yes do you want to have sex with me.
yes said the guy
how long is your dick mine is 100inches long.
mine is 200inches long how round is yours mine is 900inches around
mine is 1000inches around
lets start to have sex right here but you suck and i fuck you in the ass!!!!!
ok unzip your pants take off your boxers
and rip off the rest. you rip off everyhting
and i will stike my dick in your ass. then you suck as hard as you can.
ok replied the guy own lee if you do it really really really hard to me. ok said the man. then lets go at it .i love you.
There’s a woman and two
There’s a woman and two men. The woman says she is the most beatiful
person in the world. The first man says that he is the strongest man on
the earth. The second man says that he has had the most sex in the world.
But then all three disagree about one another and so the three go to the
wizard. The woman went in and asked the wizard if she is the most beatiful
woman in the world and the wizard said that she was. Then the first man
went in and asked the wizard if he was the stongest man in the world and
the wizard that he was. Then the second man went in and asked the wizard
if he had the most sex in the world,but instead the second may came out
and said “Who is Bill Clinton?”
Your momma so fat
your mommas so fat that when she puts on a red shirt the people on the street say hey koolaid
Ice cream flavor galore
A January 1994 Reuters News Service story on Manuel Oliveira’s ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela, reported on his 567 flavors, including onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, spaghetti parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavors fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn’t smooth enough.
Should I butter my B
Jack and George were lunching at a local restaurant, and Benny was wrestling with the problem of whether or not to butter his bread.”I like butter on my bread,” he said.”But my diet strictly forbids butter. Maybe I should call my wife Mary and ask her what to do.””Jack,” George said, “don’t be ridiculous. You’re a grown man. You should be able to decide, without your wife’s help, whether or not to butter your own bread.””You’re right,” Benny said.”I’ll just have the butter, that’s all.”When the waiter arrived with the check, George pointed to Benny and said, “He’s paying.””What?” Benny said.”Why should I have to pay the whole bill?””Because if you don’t,” George said, “I’ll tell Mary about the butter.”