Mummy was telling little Sadie a story about a witch who arrived at a hotel
without her broom because the broom was late.
�Why was the broom late, mummy?� asked Sadie.
�Because it over swept, darling.�
�And do you know what the witch asked for when she went to reception?�
�What, mummy.�
�Broom service.�
Author: admin
On the bottom of a bottle of chocolate milk:…
On the bottom of a bottle of chocolate milk:
Do not turn over.
Dinner
What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s why “they” call it: the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross the road without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken XM, which will not only cross the road but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
Bugs
What was the last thing going through the fly’s mind when it hit the car
windshield?
It’s hind legs!
What’s The Sex Of The Computer?
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.House, in French, is feminine-la maison. Pencil, in French, is masculine-le crayon.One puzzled student asked, What gender is computer?The teacher did not know, and the word wasn’t in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether computer should be a masculine or feminine noun.Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation. The men’s group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (le computer), because:1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you’d waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.The women won.
Nuts
what do you call nuts on a chest?
chestnuts.
what do you call nuts on a wall?
wallnuts.
what do you call nuts on a chin?
my dick in your mouth.
Bible
There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her
business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she
always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One
time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he
gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing.
After awhile he turned to her and asked “You don’t really believe all that
stuff in there do you?”
The lady replied “Of course I do. It is the Bible.”
He said “Well what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?
She replied “Oh, Jonah. Yes I believe that, it is in the Bible.
He asked “Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the
whale?”
The lady said “Well I don’t really know. I guess when I get to heaven I
will ask him.”
“What if he isn’t in heaven?” the man asked sarcastically.
“Then you can ask him.” replied the lady.
Maxi pad
Why did the blond jump off the building?
She wanted to see if her Maxi-pad realy had wings!
Gaza Strip
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
What do you call it when a law firm goes skydiving?…
What do you call it when a law firm goes skydiving?
Skeet.
The trick is to stop
The trick is to stop thinking it is ‘your’ money. – IRS auditor