Author: admin

Un cantante de �pera ha perdido la voz y, pese a las recomendaciones de numerosos m�dicos, no logra recuperarla. Ya desesperado, acude a una curandera famosa.

Do�a Clota, la curandera, le recomienda un remedio natural: tomarse todas las ma�anas un huevito fresco, haci�ndole un agujerito en cada extremo y chupando hasta que salga la yema y la clara. Es m�s, le ofrece al tenor lo huevos de sus ponedoras, que son frescos.

Al d�a siguiente, el cantante realiza el procedimiento: hace los dos agujeritos al huevo, y nada sale. Da vuelta al huevo, intenta otra vez, y nada. Hasta que finalmente el huevo se rompe y sale un pollito que le dice, enojado:

“�Vamos, dec�dete de una vez, me besas el piquito o me besas el culito!”

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought George W. Bush was doing as President.The old man said, “Ya know, Bush is a post turtle.” Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a “post turtle” was.He said, “Did you ever drive down a country road and come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top? You know he didn’t get there by himself, he doesn’t belong there, he can’t get anything done while he’s up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down. That’s a post turtle.”

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthily examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, “I’ve some bad news for you. You have cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month.”

Murphy, saddened and shocked by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, “Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for the pub and have a few pints.

After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventual approached by some of Murphy’s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end.

He told his friends “I’ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, Murphy’s son leaned over and whispered his confusion. “Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS?”

Murphy said, “I am dying from cancer son, I just don’t want any of them sleeping with your mother after I’m gone!”

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

He who lives in glass house, dress in basement.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.

Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long.

Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.

Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip.

Girl who sits on Judge’s lap gets honorable discharge.

Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.

He who run behind bus get exhausted.

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.

He who fishes in others’ holes often catches crabs.

Man who puts dick in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts.

Dos locos son sometidos a unas pruebas para comprobar si ya est�n en condiciones de salir del manicomio.

“A ver, Eustasio, �seis por seis?”

“Febrero”.

“�De puta madre, anda, vuelve al manicomio! A ver, Herminio, �seis por seis?”

“Mil”.

“�Otro igual, anda vu�lvete! A ver, Jer�nimo, �seis por seis?”

“Treinta y seis”.

“�Hostia! �C�mo llegaste a esa conclusi�n?”

“Muy f�cil, he multiplicado febrero por mil”.

Dos polic�as novatos se encuentran tres granadas de mano en la calle y deciden llevarlas a la comisar�a.

“�Y si nos estalla una?”, pregunta el m�s joven.

“No te preocupes”, lo tranquiliza el otro, “diremos que s�lo hab�a dos”.

Un d�a en la escuela la maestra le dice a los alumnos:

“A ver ni�os, hagamos composiciones con las palabras. Tu, Juanito, dime una palabra con la letra D.”

“Diente, maestra.”

“Ok. Ahora, una composici�n.”

“En dientes duros no entan caries.”

“Perfecto, Juanito.”

“A ver tu Jaimito; dime una palabra con la letra E.”

Jaimito piensa y piensa.

“Envergadura, maestra.”

“Ok, Jaimito, ahora la composici�n.”

“�En verga dura no entran dientes!”