Un hermoso d�a de verano,

Un hermoso d�a de verano, la condesa del Chinch�n decidi� dar una cena en su mansi�n de la sierra. Para ello, invit� a las mejores familias de la alta sociedad. Una vez la gente hubo llegado, la arist�crata mujer le comunica a sus invitados:

“Como la cena a�n tardar� un rato, podemos pasar al sal�n y entretenernos jugando a las adivinanzas. Por ser la anfitriona, empezar� yo: �Larga y afilada cual estilete, por la punta saca y mete y por detr�s lleva el ojete?”

Los invitados quedan un tanto consternados y, finalmente, un joven elegantemente vestido responde:

“Se�ora condesa, creo conocer la respuesta. �Podr�a acaso ser la pilila?”

“�Pero, se�or, qu� esc�ndalo! �Sebasti�n, la capa y el sombrero que este hombre se marcha por grosero! En fin, la respuesta obviamente es la aguja. Voy a proponer otra: �Grande y blanca la quisiera y que entre las piernas no me cupiera?”

De nuevo, se form� un embarazoso silencio. Al final, un caballero se atrevi� a decir:

“Se�ora condesa, �podr�a estar hablando de la minina?”

“�Oh, Dios m�o, qu� mala educaci�n! �Y en mi casa! Sebasti�n, la capa y el sombrero que este hombre se marcha por grosero. La respuesta es bastante f�cil: me refer�a a mi hermosa yegua blanca que se encuentra en mis establos. Bueno, ya casi es la hora de la cena, as� que voy a decir una m�s: �Cimbel matutino con forma de pepino que por delante escupe gotas y por detr�s le cuelgan las pelotas?”

En esas se levant� un joven mascullando:

“Sebasti�n, la capa y el sombrero, porque eso es una polla como una olla”.

Someone stole things from me

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator,” he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” he said with a hiccup, “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

A blind pilot is flying this plane?

I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there
had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we
stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there
would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we
would re board in thirty minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him
as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay
quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I
could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot
approached him and, calling him by name, said, “Keith, we’re in Sacramento for
almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”

Dead Career

Once there was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They decided to make their very own record and they plan to make it on MTV some day. After years and years of practice they called in and asked to perform. They had to prove they were good enough so the mailed the host of MTV a video. A few days later they all found out they did make it to MTV so they rehearsed plenty of times and had everything going perfect. They were going to be the greatest performers ever. After driving for about 20 hours they were tired but still planned to be great the next day. They arrived on the set of MTV to perform. The blonde was suppose to be in charge of the drumrole when the host said to do so. He said,”Ladies and gentlemen, listen up for the new pop stars of 2002.” Then opened an envelope and said “Could I get a drumrole please?” So the blonde picked up the drum, roled it across the stage and hit the host and killed him therefor they were not excepted to perform anywhere else and were locked up for a cuople years.

lesson:if you want a career, don’t kill your boss or any hosts!!!

Saving your sister

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Stanford Hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease.

Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her five-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother and asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, ‘Yes, I’ll do it if it will save Liz.’

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, ‘Will I start to die right away?’

Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood.

Now, swallow hard to get rid of that lump in your throat!