Super Man’s bored

Super-man’s bored in super hero land. So he rings his friend
Spider-man “wanna come for a beer?” he asks
“nah, i’m busy.” replies Spider-man, so Super-man rings Bat-man
but gets the same reply. Super-man then decides to go to the pub
on his own. as he flies he looks around him a window is open in
the building next to him. He uses his special powers to see
through the curtain, he sees Wonder-woman lying naked on the
bed. he thinks to himself i could go in there and fuck her
really quick before she even notices. So in he goes he comes
back out in 10 seconds.
Wonder-woman says “did you here something Invisible man?”
“No but my arse sure hurts!”

Aussie Flight Sim

This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO’s Land Operations/Simulation division.

They’d been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaissance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers. Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a helicopter’s position).

Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used to model infantry detachment reactions under the same stimuli), and changed the mapped icons, the speed parameters, etc. The first time they demonstrated this to some visiting Americans, the hotshot pilots decided to get “down and dirty” with the virtual kangaroos. So, they buzzed them, and watched them scatter. The visiting Americans nod appreciatively … then gape as the kangaroos duck around a hill, and launch about two dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter. The programmers looked rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove *that* part of the infantry coding … and Americans leave muttering comments about not wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife ….

As an addendum, simulator pilots from that point onwards avoided kangaroos like the plague, just like they were meant to do in the first place ….

The Top 12 Signs a Rapper Has Gone Nuts

12> Stopped wearing a sideways baseball cap, and started wearing a tin-foil Napoleon hat.

11> Asks the press and to call him “G. Dubya.”

10> Shows up at his next concert wearing a Catholic schoolgirl dress and raps about the cruelty of living under “Da Momma Supe.”

9> “All work ‘n’ no play makez Ice Tray a dull bo-weee.

All work ‘n’ no play makez Ice Tray a dull bo-weee.

All work ‘n’ no play makez Ice Tray a dull bo-weee…”

8> His new video features him prancing around in a Dorothy outfit singing, “Ding, dong, the wi-otch is dead.”

7> Now wants to be known as “The Rapper Formerly Known As Simpering Girly Pee-Boy.”

6> Overheard telling Jennifer Lopez, “Quit shaking that thing in my face, and go put some clothes on already!”

5> Wears his white do-rag after Labor Day.

4> Produces double album of nothin’ but songs about Madeleine Albright’s ass.

3> On election day, announced he’s switching party affiliation to West Coast.

2> “Help the po-lice, ‘cuz it’s nice when they’re around. We need ’em cuz they protect our town.”

1> “The wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round! Woah! Yeah!”

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]

Disneyland Olympics

From Topfive.comThe Top 17 Differences if the Olympics Were Held at Disneyland 17> Medals placed around winners’ necks by chirping birds.16> Goofy buys the farm in bizarre archery “accident.”15> Regulation requiring all rowing event competitors to keep their hands and arms inside the boat at all times results in considerably lower scores.14> Sprinters legs spin wildly in place before they take off.13> Hammer Throw replaced with Dwarf Toss.12> Animatronic John Tesh much livelier than the real one.11> Donald Duck defects to Busch Gardens.10> Tinkerbell’s “fairy dust” added to list of banned substances.9> Animatronic Abe Lincoln wins the Decathalon!8> $4 Cokes only cost $3.75.7> New Slogan: “The Sweatiest Place On Earth!”6> Minnie Mouse and Kerri Strug never seen together… hmmmm.5> Barbells marked ‘10,000 Pounds’ absurdly easy to lift.4> A petulant Pluto demands chance to race for record 10th dog biscuit.3> The Little Mermaid takes home a record 49 gold medals in swimming events.2> “Gymnastic gold or no gymnastic gold, you’re too short for the rides!”…and TopFive.com’s Number 1 Difference if the Olympics Were Held at Disneyland…1> Synchronized swimmers don’t just look goofy — they *ARE* Goofy!

Southern hospitality

Nate and Martin, two army buddies, are on leave and decide to go to Nate’s house and get drunk.

Low and behold they run out of beer, so Nate says that he will go for more.

As he is leaving he tells his wife Barbara to show Martin her best southern hospitality, which she agrees to do.

Nate comes back with the beer and finds Martin and Barbara screwing right on the kitchen floor.

Nate yells, “What are you doing Barbara?”

She replies, “You told me to show Martin my best southern hospitality.”

Nate replies “For cripe sake woman, arch your back, poor Martin’s balls are on the cold floor.”

Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Curtis

TRY to say these fast!!!!!

TRY TO SAY THESE 5Xs FAST!!!!

Peggy Babcock
******
A ship saileth south soon
******
Six silent snakes slithering slowly southward
******
Good blood, Bad blood
******
yellow yo-yo’s
******
Sly Sam sips sallys soup
******
Rush the washing Russell
******
Toy boat
******
Silver thimbles
******
Blue black bug’s blood
******
Three tree twigs
******
Tim, the thin twin
******
Six thick swamps
******
copper coffepot
******
A big blue bucket of blue berries
******