What makes Indiana from falling into Lake Michigan?
Kentucky it sucks!
Author: admin
Using cold cream
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ”Why do you do that, mommy?” he asked. ”To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ”What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. ”Giving up?”
Morning Poem
I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.
I’m not a morning person.
Husband that Works at Microsoft
Three women are sitting in a bar talking about their love lives.
The first one says, “My husband is an architect. When we make love it has power, it has form, it has function. It’s incredible!”
The second one says, “My husband is an artist. When we make love it has passion, it has emotion, it has vision. It’s wonderful!”
The third woman sighs and sips her margarita, then says, “My husband works for Microsoft. When we make love, he just sits at the end of the bed and tells me how great it’s going to be when it gets here.”
Move
What did the blonde do when she heard 90% of accidents happen in the house?
She moved.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Hard vs. Easy
Why is it so hard to tell the truth but so easy to tell a lie?
Why are we so sleepy in church but
Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?
Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about bad stuff?
Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, yet so easy to look at a dirty one?
Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail but we forward all of the dirty ones?
Why are the churches getting smaller but yet the bars and dance clubs are getting larger?
Do you give up?
Think about it …
Are you going to forward this, or delete it?
To terrify others, forward this to at least 10 people.
Only from Bama
A Bama Graduate was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the grad complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.
“Have you been taking them regularly?” the doctor asked.
“What do you think I’ve been doing,” the grad said, “shoving them up my ass?”
Q: How long will
Q: How long will it take?A: That’s indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they’ve brought with them.
El t�o Chema se encuentra
El t�o Chema se encuentra cuidando la entrada en una fiesta de disfraces, cuando aparece un negro desnudo con una bolsa transparente que le cubre desde la cabeza hasta los pies. Curioso, el t�o Chema le pregunta:
“�De qu� vienes disfrazado?”
“Vengo disfrazado de moronga”, contesta ufano el tipo.
“�Puta, negro, mejor hubiera sido que metieras un palo en el culo y vendr�as disfrazado de chocobanano!”
Resulta que Jos� y la
Resulta que Jos� y la Mar�a eran unos j�venes campesinos que estaban de novios.
Un d�a de tantos Jos� not� que la Mar�a tenia los dedos de los pies muy abiertos (separados) y le pregunta:
“�Hey vos Mariya!” con tono de campesino de tierra adentro, “�Purque vos ten�s los dedus de los pies tan jabiertos?”
Y la Mar�a le responde:
“Es que yo camino descalza por el lodo, �no ves?”
Jos� se queda ido y s�lo alcanza a pensar en voz alta:
“Aaah pos s�… debe ser por el lodo…”
El caso es que con el tiempo se casaron. Y a la ma�ana siguiente, despu�s de la noche de bodas, Jos� despierta a Mar�a y le pregunta:
“�Hey vos Mariya!… �Es que tambi�n te sentabas en el lodo?”
Bush’s Propaganda Tour
During a propaganda tour, President Bush visits a school to explain his politics to kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby stands up and tells him “Mr. President, I got 3 questions”:
1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don’t you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
Before the president can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids leave the room. After they came back, Bush invited them again to ask questions. Joey stands up and tells him “Mr. President, I got 5 questions”:
1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don’t you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
5. Where’s Bobby?
Try Nursing!
A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was.
“I tried to be an actress and failed,” she complained. “I tried to be a secretary and failed, I tried being a writer and failed, then I tried being a sales clerk, and I failed at that too.”
The shrink thought for a moment and said, “Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don’t you try nursing?”
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says, “Well, I’ll give it a try!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis