Q: How many folklorists does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Ten. One to change it and nine to document it.
Author: admin
The Main Gate
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, ‘Halt, who goes there?’The chauffeur, a corporal, says, ‘General Wheeler.”I’m sorry, I can’t let you through. My orders are that you’ve got to have a sticker on the windshield.’The general said, ‘Drive on!’The sentry said, ‘Hold it! You really can’t come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker.’The general repeated, ‘I’m telling you, son, drive on!’The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, ‘General, I’m new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?’
Megahertz…
- Megahertz
- What you feel when a computer drops on your foot.
Q: How many Iranians does
Q: How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb?A: One hundred – One to screw it in and 99 to hold the house hostage.
Better health cover
The Queen is visiting one of Australia’s top hospitals and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
‘Oh my God,’ said the Queen. ‘That’s disgraceful. What is the meaning of this?’
The doctor leading the tour explains,
‘I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn’t do that five times a day they’ll explode and he would die instantly.’
‘Oh I am so sorry’ said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blowjob.
‘Oh my God,’ said the Queen, ‘what’s happening there?’
The doctor replied, ‘Same problem, better health cover.’
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
You vs. Your Boss
When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.
When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.
When you please your boss, you’re arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.
When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.
Blonde Quickies
How do you get a blond out of a tree? Wave
How do you drown a blond? Stick a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the toliet and tell her to sniff.
What is the diference between a blond and a mosquito? A mosquito knows when to stop sucking.
When can you tell witch cars a blond’s car? The stick shift is wet.
Eggs telling jokes ha he
y dont eggs tell jokes because they will crack each other up ha ha ha he he he
Suspicion: Men doing push-ups in long grass….
Suspicion: Men doing push-ups in long grass.
Bitches -vs- Pimps
The infamous “Bitch Poem”
Ahhh Women…
Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on
Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
I always save money by using coupons
Can admit to others when I am wrong
Don’t drive in circles at any cost
So I don’t have to admit when I am lost
Don’t act like I’m in a timed marathon
Every time I go to the john
Let me tell you men
Listen to me boys
Those things in your pants
That you treat as toys
You love them more then we ever will
We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill
I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you’re two hours late
I don’t watch movies with lots of gore
Don’t need instant replay to remember the score
I won’t lose my hair
I don’t get jock itch
And just cause I’m assertive
Don’t call me a bitch
I don’t wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
I don’t go to Sears
To look at the tools
I don’t cheat at poker
I follow the rules
I don’t smoke cigars
Don’t pay for drinks at bars
I don’t punch my friends just to say “Hi”
And it’s o.k. for me to cry
I know all you men
Think that you’re “IT”
But compared to a woman
You just ain’t SHIT!
This Poem, “The Pimp,” was written in response to a
forward entitled “Bitch Poem”
Ahhh Men…
Everyday I give thanks to my God
that I’ve got a Dick and a tight ass bod.
I like to play sports, I love to get naked,
Is it our fault that you girls can’t take it?
I own lots of tools and don’t mind putting on weight,
when I get ready for a party, my ass is never late.
I can actually drive a car and even change a tire,
my ability to produce children will never expire.
When a male is born, it is clearly heaven-sent,
that’s probably why a woman has never been president.
I can pee without squatting, I’ve slept in a tent,
women’s fatal flaw is that they are subservient.
First and foremost, my looks don’t govern my life,
When I gain a few pounds, I don’t go under the knife.
I don’t read the nutrition labels, I like to eat
meat,
if any women objects, she can just take a seat.
I don’t own a hairdryer,I brush my hair with my
hands,
I am considered the better gender in the majority of
lands.
I masturbate openly, I secretly desire a mirror on my
ceiling,
I don’t go cry when someone hurts my feelings.
Listen to me girls, I need to tell you something
right quick,
it pertains to lovemaking and my almighty Dick
That thing in your pants that you guard like
treasure,
Men don’t respect you for it, we just see it as
pleasure.
I like it squeezed, jacked, licked and sucked,
I am capable of having sex and saying “we fucked.”
I like to have sex and finish with a roar,
I hope to remain a promiscuous bachelor.
Bitches think that they’re “all that,”
But we don’t care about every ounce of fat.
Just cuz your thighs cause mass amounts of friction,
Doesn’t mean you belong outside of the kitchen!!
Any girl that objects, just respond please,
But on one condition, first get off your knees…
I have a little advice to my fellow men, and I’m
afraid I can’t
lie,
NEVER trust anything that can bleed for four days and
then not
DIE!
Right at home is where women should stay,
Cuz men are the ones that make the pay.
At least our Dick doesn’t sag when we get older,
I’ve seen better looking bitches by the name of
Rover.
At least my body doesn’t bleed that certain week,
Bitch you’re just jealous, don’t sweat the technique.
You constantly get played like childrens games,
Guys just fuck you and forget your names!!!!!!!
Bitches all be hanging from my large nutsack,
Now what the fuck are you going to say after this
counter
attack…
How to kill a Blonde
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes on their shoulders and ask them a question.