What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A tea bag.
Author: admin
You’re a redneck … your mother doesn’t remove
You’re a redneck if…. Your mother doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips
before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
Irish DUI
Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. ”Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o’ those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness — couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later…” And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, ”Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.” ”Why? Don’t ye believe me?”
A redneck cowboy
On a hot blistering summer day, a redneck cowboy comes ridding into town on
his horse with his dog following. He tied the horse and dog under the shade of a
tree and went into the bar for a cold beer. About 20 minutes later a policeman
comes into the bar and asks who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck
cowboy said that it was his. The policeman said, “Your dog seems to be in heat�.
The redneck cowboy replies, “No way dog’s in heat, he’s cool cause I got’im tied
under the shade of the tree�. The policeman says, “No! You don’t understand;
your dog needs to be bred.” No way”, the redneck cowboys say, “dog don’t need
bread, he’s not hungry, cause I fed him beef jerky this morning”. Now policeman
gets mad and yells out; “NO! You don’t seem to understand, your dog wants to
have sex!” The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, “Go ahead. I always wanted
a police dog!”
The Pledge of the Committed Hero Wiener
1. I, as a dedicated wiener, pledge to be the wussiest I can, but always
win.
2. Through the course of my journey, I will never act cool.
3. I pledge to effect the lives of everyone I meet, but only in a minute
way.
4. No one will stop me from completing my mission.
5. If I become romantically involved with a woman, I will quickly forget
about it. It’s way to nonsensical for some beautiful buxom women to fall
for me.
6. I will never have sex! Ever!
Q. What is
Q. What is Roseanne Barr’s favorite sex toy?
A. Ben – Wa basketballs.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Button!Button who?Button in
Knock KnockWho’s there?Button!Button who?Button in is not polite!
Smelling penis
Two gay guys were walking together when one of them said, “You’re not going to believe this, but I think I smell penis.”
The other said, “That’s because I just burped.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Honest Lawyer
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were
overheard talking at the zoo one day.
“My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.
“Tommy,” replied the second.
“My daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a
living?” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My daddy’s a lawyer.”
“Honest?” asked Billy.
“No, just the regular kind,” replied Tommy.
Dang
your mama so fat, that when she was compared to the Titanic she made it look like a sailboat.
Yo Mama
Yo mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, ducks throw bread at her.
Anyone who is popular is
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.