Candle dippers have it easy; they only work on wick ends.
Author: admin
On the lawn
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a nude couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house and knocked. A well-dressed woman answered the door and the man asked what kind of a place this was. ”This is a brothel,” replied the madam. ”Well, what’s all this out on the lawn?” queried the man. ”Oh, we’re having a yard sale today.”
What’s dangerous and swings from trees?
What’s dangerous and swings from trees?
A monkey with a chainsaw.
Plane from Chicago
Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a plane to Chicago.
“The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.,” a ticket agent said, “and arrives in Chicago at 1:01 p.m.”
“Would you repeat that, please?” Bob asked.
The agent did so and then inquired, “Do you want a reservation?”
“No,” said Bob, “But I think I’ll hang around and watch that thing take off.”
The bar man
a man walked into a bar? (dont get it do ya)
he said owwwwwww
Cover Up
A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of drinks, one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they have had their fun, he realizes it is 3AM and says, “Oh no, its so late, my wife is going to kill me! Do you have any talcum powder?”
She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. “Where the hell have you been?!”
“Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.”
“Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!” She sees his hands are covered with powder. “You liar! You went bowling again!”
Concerned about the Newlyweds
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin in the mountains. They had registered on Saturday and hadn’t been seen for five days. The elderly woman who ran the resort got concerned about the welfare of the newlyweds, and sent her husband to check on them. The husband knocks on the door of the cabin, and a weak voice from inside answers.The old man asks, “Are you young folks all right?””Yes, we’re fine,” the man answered. We’re living on the fruits of love.”The old man replied, “I kinda figured that. Say…would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They’re choking my ducks!”
Restroom Sign
On her way home a blonde drove past a sign that said “CLEAN
RESTROOMS 8 MILES”.
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Un joven se sube a
Un joven se sube a un tren, y entra en un camarote en el que viajaban un se�or con aspecto muy respetable acompa�ado de su hija de 18 a�os, y en el asiento de enfrente un cadete.
El joven se sienta junto a la hija y se quedan todos muy callados mientras parte el tren. M�s tarde en el viaje, pasan por un t�nel y quedan en absoluta oscuridad, cuando se oye un beso seguido por un fuerte golpe.
Al salir del t�nel, el cadete tiene un ojo totalmente amoratado.
El padre lo ve y piensa: “Seguro que el cadete trat� de besar a mi hija, se equivoc�, bes� al joven de al lado, y �ste le propin� tremendo golpe”.
La hija lo ve y piensa: “Seguro que el joven de mi lado trat� de besarme, se equivoc�, bes� a mi padre y �l se confundi� y le pego tremendo golpe al cadete”.
El cadete, lastimado pero sin animarse a decir nada, piensa: “Seguro que el joven trat� de besar a la chica, y ella se confundi� y me golpe� a m�”.
El joven sin expresi�n en el rostro piensa: “En el pr�ximo t�nel me vuelvo a besar la mano y le igualo el otro ojo”.
Interview Bonanza
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead apply for a position at a large company.First the brunette goes in. The guy looks over her application and asks her one question: “How many D’s are there in ‘Bonanza’?”The brunette replies, “None.”The guy says, “OK, you may go into the next room for the next stage of the interviewing process.”The redhead goes in next. The guy asks her the same question: “How many D’s are in ‘Bonanza’?”She replies, “None.”The guy says, “OK, you may go into the next room.”The blonde goes in and he asks the same question: “How many D’s are in ‘Bonanza’?”After counting on her fingers for a few minutes the blonde replies: “77.”The guy, in shock, asks her how she came up with 77.She says: “Dun da da dun dun da dun dun da da” (the Bonanza theme)…
Six Scared of Seven
Why was six scared of seven
Because seven eight nine.
Llega un se�or al ba�o
Llega un se�or al ba�o de un restaurant y ve a un cubano orinando, y se acerca a preguntarle c�mo le hacen los cubanos para tenerla tan grandota. El cubano le responde, “No, pue eque ac� en Cuba dede chiquitico nosotros nos amarramo una piedra en el pene para que nos crezca.”
El se�or se va a su casa y se amarra una piedra…
Pas� un mes y el se�or se encuentra al cubano de nuevo en el restaurant y el cubano le pregunta, “�C�mo va se�or con lo de la piedra?”
“Pues grande todav�a no la tengo, �pero negra ya se puso!”