u dumb bitch!
Author: admin
War with Iraq!
Once again Clinton’s under attack,
Cause he got another bimbo in the sack.
He said, with a hiss,
“If I’m to get out of this,
I’ll have to start a war with Iraq!”
New Chemical Elements!
Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered.
Here for the first time is a description of their properties.
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses Strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
——————————-
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Tax’s For The Dead
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend.
In his grief, one of the three said, “In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they�ll have something to pay tax’s over there.”
They all agreed that this was appropriate.
The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket and walked away in tears.
The car salesman did the same.
The lawyer looked around and seeing no one was near the coffin, he took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
THE SKUL
HOW DO U KNOW WHAT A 500 YAER OLD SKUL IS???
AND AT THAT KNOW IT WAS A WOMAN???
THATS BECAUSE HER MOUTH WAS OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pat
Knock Knock…
Who’s there?
Pat…
Pat who?
Actually it’s Moe. I was just doing an impersonation of Pat!
Defendant in Court
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): “May I address the court?”
Judge: “Of course.”
Defendant: “If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?”
Judge: “I’d hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail.”
Defendant: “What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?”
Judge: “I can’t do anything about that. There’s no law against thinking.”
Defendant: “In that case, I think you’re a son of a bitch.”
Blood Test
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying profusely.
The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
California jury
The trial of Saddam Hussein is beginning.
They say the evidence against Saddam Hussein is so strong that even a California jury might convict him.
Gone fishing
Gone fishingA man phones home from his office and tells his wife: “Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.A week later he returns.His wife asks: “Did you have a good trip, dear?”He says: ” Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”His wife smiles and says, “Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box!”
Potty training
Little Johnny was just being potty trained, and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants.
2. Pull pants down.
3. Pull foreskin back.
4. Pee.
5. Push foreskin forward.
6. Pull pants up and button.
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny
saying, “1,2,3,4,5,6” and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5…
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Yo mama
Yo mama so bald when she whears a turtel neck she looks like a used condom.