The Top 15 Worst Blues Singer Names

15. Willie “White Shoes After Labor Day” Lumpkin

14. Charlie “Sittin’ in First Class & Cheerful as Hell” Pickett

13. Al “Lightnin'” Gore

12. The Suspiciously Clean-Shaven, Well-Coiffed Artist in the Dark Glasses Who Won’t Admit That He Was Formerly Known As John Tesh And is Now Playing Barrelhouse Boogie-Woogie To Earn A Buck

11. John Lee Crackwhore

10. Timmy “Up With People” Perkyman

9. “Portly Dan” Aykroyd & Bruce “Shinehead” Willis

8. Matt “Sleeping with Cameron Diaz” Dillon

7. Winston P. “Sunshine Man” Walthrop III, King of the Cape Cod Blues

6. Tiny Red Johnson 5. Screamin’ Josh Rabinowitz

4. Mack “Crusty Underthings” Morton

3. Stanley “Stank Ass” Wilson

2. Bawlin’ Wimp

1. Luther “Kill Me, Just Kill Me” Johnson

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]

The Three Midgets

Three midgets who really want to be in the Guiness Book of World
Records decide that they can come up with “something” that would
qualify them for submission into the book. They call up the
judging panel and arrange an appointment.

The first midget walks into the judging room and tells the
panel, “I believe I have the smallest hands in the world!” The
judges examine him and confer. Upon making their decision, the
midget exits the room. As he enters the waiting area, he tells
his friends, “I made it! I have the smallest hands in the WORLD!”

The second midget walks into the judging room and tells the
panel, “I have the smallest feet in the world!” The judges
examine his feet and confer. Upon making their decision, the
midget exits the room. As he enters the waiting room, he tells
his friends, “I made it! I have the smallest feet in the WORLD!”

The third midget walks into the judging room and tells the
panel, “Well, I don’t have the smallest hands or feet in the
world, but I think I do have something that might qualify!” With
that he whips out his tiny dick and shows the judges. They
chuckle, but examine him and confer. Upon making their decision,
the midget exits the room. As he enters the waiting area, he
shakes his head back and forth, hanging his head low. “Did you
get in the book?” asks the first midget. “No,” the third midget
says sadly, “but I sure would like to know who that Bill Clinton
fucker is.”

41 Things Men Know

41 Rules Men Wish Women Knew1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down. 3 . Don’t cut your hair. Ever. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again! 5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. 6. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. 8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat. 9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. 10. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 11. Shopping is not sport. 12. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 13. You have enough clothes. 14. You have too many shoes. 15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it. 16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too. 17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work. 18. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes. 20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 23. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend. 24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 25. Check your oil. 26. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do. 27. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived. 28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. 29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. 30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys. 31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 32. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 33. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out. 34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both. 35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 36. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we. 37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do. 39. Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines. 40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 41. Anyone can buy condoms.

We’re Getting a Divorce

A husband and wife have been arguing for several weeks and the
wife has finally decided that she wants a divorce. So when the
husband comes home she is all packed and ready to go out the
door. The husband takes one look at her and says, “Where do you
think your going?” The wife replys, “I’m leaving you and going
to Las Vegas to become a prostitute and earn $400 a blow job.”
So the husband runs upstairs and comes back down with all his
bags packed. The wife looks at him and says, “Where do you think
your going?” “I’m going with you,” The husband replys, “I want
to see you live on $800 a year!”

Bald Men

there were three one centimeter men so thin that you could almost see through them. They were looking for a good home when they came along a nice tall woman.

They all three climbed on. The first one said, hey guys i found a nice yellow sticky cave i think ill live here! The next one said hey i found a nice warm green lumpy cave i think ill live here! The next one said hey i found a nice warm forest the only thing wrong with it is that theres a bald guy spitting at me!!!

One wish……

There was a Scottish man, an Irish man and a stupid man one day they came across a magic slide. So if you slide down it and shouted out anything in the world, you would land in that thing, so the Scottish man went down the slide and shouted “lager” and he landed in a pool of lager.

The Irish man went down and shouted “money”. He landed in a pot of money.

The stupid man went down the slide and shouted “Ahhhhh weeeeee”….and I think you know what happened next!!!

Mommy whats that

This little girl had a nightmare she goes into her moms room and says mommy can i take a shower with you and her mom said sure but dont look down but she looked down and said mommy what is that that is my bush.
the next night she took a shower with her dad and here dad said do not look down so she looked down and said daddy what is that that is my snake.
so the next night she open the door and asked mommy can i sleep with you sure dont look under the covers she did and she said daddy your snake is in mommy bush.

Computer Geek and his Wife

Warning to ALL women:

Husband : (Returning late form work) “Good Evening Dear, I’m now logged
in.”
Wife : Have you brought the ring ?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morn…
Husband : Erroneous syntax.
Wife : What about my new blouse ?
Husband : Variable not found …
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied …
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just
being funny ?
Husband : Too many parameters. Abort!…
Wife : It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : Default Parameter.
Wife : What about your Salary ?
Husband : Access denied. File in use…
Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot.