how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?1 it takes the other 99 to rotate the house!!
Author: admin
Skeleton Joke
A Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer… and a mop.
Confused
What do you call a nun with a sex change?
Tran-sister.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Quotes About Cats
“Quotes About Cats”
“Managing senior programmers is like herding cats.”
– Dave Platt
“There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.”
-Anonymous {So true! My cats walks on me! – LadyHawke}
“Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.”
– Anonymous
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull
a sled through snow.”
– Jeff Valdez
“In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats.”
– English proverb
“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.”
– Ellen Perry Berkeley
“Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are G-d.”
“One cat just leads to another.” – Ernest Hemingway
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message
and get back to you later.”
– Mary Bly
“Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject
to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who
suffered from insomnia.”
– Joseph Wood Krutch
“People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their
next life.”
– Faith Resnick
“There are many intelligent species in the universe. They
are all owned by cats.”
– Anonymous
“I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The
wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.”
– Hippolyte Taine
“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life:
music and cats.”
– Albert Schweitzer
“The cat has too much spirit to have no heart.”
– Ernest Menaul
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
– Colette
“No heaven will not ever Heaven be;
Unless my cats are there to welcome me.”
– Anonymous
“Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.”
– Missy Dizick
“You will always be lucky if you know how to make
friends with strange cats.”
– Colonial American proverb
“Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any
harm to ask for what you want.”
– Joseph Wood Krutch
“Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit.”
– John S. Nichols
“Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle
and will p**s on your computer.”
– Bruce Graham
“I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.”
“My husband said it was him or the cat … I miss him sometimes.”
A geek’s list of thanks
1. Be thankful you haven’t been spammed!2. Be thankful your computer isn’t down!3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn’t down!4. Be thankful you don’t have The Good Times virus!5. Be thankful your server isn’t down!6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse!7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are!8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and you didn’t gain a pound!9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really isn’t 72!10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connnection!11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!
Peter Piper
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
George W. Bush and Canadian Prime Minister Jean Ch
“Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican.” �George W. Bush, declining
to take reporters’ questions during a photo op with Canadian Prime Minister Jean
Chretien, April 21, 2001
yo mommas so fat she uses a VCR as a beeper!…
yo mommas so fat she uses a VCR as a beeper!
Iban dos moscas volando por
Iban dos moscas volando por un establo, cuando vieron hacia abajo hab�a una gran plasta de mierda de caballo, entonces le dice una a la otra: “Mira qu� gran hartada nos vamos a dar”
Y bajaron las dos moscas a comer.
En eso una de las moscas se tira un gran pedo.
Entonces le dice la otra:
“A la gran puta, no seas asqueroso, que no ves que estamos comiendo…”
Neighbour’s surprise
John comes home from holidays and almost immediately has another confrontation with his neighbour and long time enemy.
Later, inside and unpacking, he finds a bottle he didn’t remember buying. Still it looks good so he gives it polish . . ., and whoosh, out comes a genie.
“Oh holder of the bottle, I grant thee three wishes; but be warned that what you wish for is granted doubly to your greatest enemy.”
“Well I wish my last girlfriend would come back and be in love with me again” asks John for his first wish. Hearing his name being called from the next room tells him she’s back. John looks out his window and sees his neighbour with two women clearly besotted with him.
“For my second wish, I want a big mansion” says John who goes outside and sees his house has grown into a mansion. The neighbour’s house being a mansion twice as big.
At this stage the genie reminds him that his enemy will still get double for the third and final wish.
“Then for my third wish, I want . . . I want you to remove one of my testicles.”
Vietnam
The prime minister of Vietnam met with President Bush at the White House.
As you know, Vietnam is a communist country so there is no democracy, there is no freedom, but don’t worry, there is no oil either so we won’t be going back.
-Jay Leno
First Name
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come
into his office.
“What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked him.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you
worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds
familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees
by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred
to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last
name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”