Author: admin

One day there was a woman whos mother had just died and had left
the house for her daughter but only under one circumstance..
That she named the house a name that would remind her of her
mother. The daughter agreed.
The next day the daughter saw the house and it was huge. (By
the way the daughters name is Jan.) So Jan thought and thought
until she found a name that fit the house perfectly. Since her
mother was a very hairy person jan decided to name the house
Haury Ass necause she knew that it would remind her of her
mother every time she said it.
So after a few weeks in the house jan began to feel very
lonely so jan went out and bought a dog. Since jan loved her
mother so much she wanted to name the dog something that would
remind he of her mother. Finally jan remembered that her mother
smoked alot of weed and all other types of drugs so she named
the dog crack.
One day jan came home from work and she couldnt find her dog any
where. She looked everywhere throughout the whole house for
about 5 hours. Finally she just gave up looking so she went down
to the police station. She waited in line for hours and when it
finally was her turn the police decided to take a coffee brake.
She got so pissed she screamed damn you people this is a huge
emergency, I have ben looking all over my huger Harry Ass all
day long and I still havent found my god damn Crack!!!!

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest
corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing
prospective employees.

An applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

An applicant wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the
interviewer and the music at the same time.

An applicant fell and broke his arm during the interview.

A candidate announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger
and french fries in the interviewer’s office.

An applicant explained that her long-term goal was to replace the
interviewer.

A candidate said he had never finished high school because he
was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes
later wearing a hairpiece.

An applicant said that if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by
having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

An applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to
answer specific interview questions.

A candidate brought a large dog to interview.

An applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed while
standing up.

One candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the “Most unusual” questions that have
been asked by job candidates.

“What is it that you people do at this company?”

“What is the company motto?”

“Why aren’t you in a more interesting business?”

“What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?”

“Why do you want references?”

“Do I have to dress for the next interview?”

“I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?”

“Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?”

“Will the company pay to relocate my horse?”

“Does your health insurance cover pets?”

“Would it be a problem if I’m angry most of the time?”

“Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?”

“Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?”

“Why am I here?”

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the pilot and Gerry the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin Airport, they looked out of the front window. ‘By Jesus,’ said Paddy, ‘will you look at how fookin short that runway is.”Ya not fookin kiddin, Paddy,’ replied Gerry.’This is going to be one of the trickiest landings you are ever gonna see,’ said Paddy.’Ya not fookin kiddin, Paddy,’ replied Gerry.’Roit Gerry, when I give the signal, you put to engines in reverse,’ said Paddy.’Roit, I’ll be doing dat,’ replied Gerry.’And den you put the flaps down straight away,’ said Paddy.’Roit, I’ll be doing dat,’ replied Gerry.’And den you stamp on tern brakes as hard as you can,’ said Paddy.’Roit, I’ll be doing dat,’ replied Gerry.’And den you pray to Mother Mary with alla you soul,’ said Paddy.’Roit, I’ll be doing dat,’ replied Gerry.So they approached the runway with Paddy and Gerry full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Gerry put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, rammed the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul.Amid roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt 2 cm from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Gerry and everyone on board.As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Gerry, ‘Dat has gotta be to shortest fookin runway I have ever seen in my whole life.’Gerry looked out the side window and replied, ‘Yeah Paddy, and the fookin widest too.’