Author: admin

Un joven va a visitar

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Un joven va a visitar a su Abuelo de 85 a�os al hospital.

“�C�mo estas, Abuelo?”

“De maravillas.”

“�Qu� tal la comida?”

“Exquisita. Los men�s son excelentes”.

“�Y las enfermeras?”

“No pod�an ser mejores. �Estas j�venes lo atienden a uno de maravillas!”

“�Y de noche, duermes bien?”

“Ning�n problema. Nueve horas seguidas cada noche. A las 10 me traen una taza de chocolate y una pastilla de Viagra, y con eso me apago como una l�mpara hasta el d�a siguiente”.

El nieto, extra�ado y un poco alarmado, se dirige a la enfermera jefe y le dice “�Qu� est�n tratando de hacer? �Me dicen que le est�n dando diariamente viagra a un anciano de 85 a�os!
�Seguramente no puede ser cierto!”

“�Oh s�!” Le contesta la enfermera, “Todas las noches a las 10 le damos una taza de chocolate y una pastilla de viagra. Funciona incre�blemente bien. �El chocolate lo pone a dormir y la viagra evita que se ruede de la cama!”

Friar Florists

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Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was< unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close down, but they would not. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They would not.

So, the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close their business. Terrified, they did so – thereby proving that:

Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Three Aggies

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There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, “we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long”.

Beautiful

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The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence.

Today’s word is ‘beautiful.’

Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?”

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, “Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Teacher says, “Very good, Little Sally, you may sit.

Little Frankie, your turn.”

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, “Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.”

Teacher says, “Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit.

Little Johnny, it’s your turn.”

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, “Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Things not to say on your Valentine’s date

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* I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

* I refuse to get cable. That’s how they keep tabs on you.

* I used to come here all the time with my ex.

* I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn’t hurt to consider it.

* Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

* I really feel that I’ve grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look.

* And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

* I know you said you don’t eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.

* It’s been tough, but I’ve come to accept that most people I date just won’t be as smart as I am.