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MacGregor had a toothache and went to Dr. Friedman.
“What do you charge for extracting a tooth?” asked the Scotsman.
“Fifty dollars.” replied the dentist.
“Fifty dollars for only twenty seconds’ work?” exclaimed MacGregor.
“Well,” replied the dentist, “if you want, I could extract it very slowly.”
Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store?
It was too tight.
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
“My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.
“Tommy,” replied the second.
“My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.”
“Honest?” asked Billy.
“No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.
One day a Blonde was pulled over for speeding. the officer approached the car and asked the BlondE for her drivers license.
The BlOnDe replied queezicaly “What’s that?”
The patrolman replied ” That’s the little card with your picture on it. Saying you know how to drive.”
The BLOnde returned a perky “Oh! I got one of those!” and digs it out of her purse.
Next the patrolman requested her registration. again he was confronted with,” What’s that?” to which he answered, “Mam, That’s the piece of paper that says you own the car.”
Again the bloNDE reported “Oh! I got one of those.” the patrolman took the documents back to his car and called them in. All was clear.
He returned the documents to the bLoNdE and unzipped his trousers and whipped out his penis, the BLONDe looked up and shrieked “NOT ANOTHER BREATHALYZER”
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it
only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear. One day,
a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out
the mirror. The brunette goes first.
“I think I’m the smartest woman on earth.”
“POOF!” She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. “I think I’m the prettiest
woman on earth.”
“POOF!” She disappears. The blonde goes up.
“I think–“
“POOF!”
Q. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A. You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
a man goes to a gas station and says weres your petral tanks the guy replies we dont do tha well chek my engine sorry we dont do that well what kind of garage are you an IRA garage well gona blow up my tyres.
There was a man from flint
Who had such a big dick it was bent
To save alot of trouble
He stuck it in double
Instead of coming he went
Q. What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
A. Bonds mature.
Un hombre llega a su casa y su mujer le dice desesperada:
“�Mi amor, mi amor, a mi mam� la pic� un alacr�n!”
“�C�mo pudo picarla un alacr�n? �Si hab�a 4 en la cajita!
Your momma so fat when she sat on a rainbow skittles came out