Robbing the club

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old lawyers gave them a fight for their lives. The gang was very happy to escape. ‘It ain’t so bad,’ one crook noted. ‘We got out with $25 between us.’ ‘I warned you to stay clear of lawyers!’ the boss screamed. ‘We had over $100 when we broke in!’

Gorilla Removal

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.”Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks.”Boy,” is the man’s response.”Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says the service guy.An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.”The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”

Duck Hunting

A duck hunter killed four ducks. He put them into his bag and began to walk home. The game warden stopped him and said, “So, your a duck hunter?”

“Yes sir, I am”

The warden sticks his thumb up the first duck’s ass and says, ” This duck is from New York, do you have a New York hunting license?”

The hunter replies, “Yes I do.” and he shows it.

The warden checks the other ducks, the same way, and says, “My, my, you have ducks from NY, VT, CT and NH! Where are you from?”

The hunter turns around, bends over and pulls down his pants, and says, “I don’t know…why don’t you tell me?”

100%

Susie came skipping up the walk. She opened the door and said,
“Mommy! I got a 100 today!” The mother replied, “That’s great,
dear! What did you get it in?” “Two things,” Susie said. “I got
a 46 in science, and a 54 in mathematics.”