Q. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A. A Lickalotopuss
Author: admin
Bill Gate’s Wedding Night
What did Bill Gates’ wife say to him on their wedding night? “Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!”
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
Un viudo millonario llega a
Un viudo millonario llega a un restaurante y observa a una linda chica sentada sola en una mesa. El hombre le manda una botella de vino con el mesonero y un mensaje, escrito en una servilleta, proponi�ndole que la bebieran juntos.
En otra servilleta, la mujer le responde que, si �l tiene en su casa dos Mercedes Benz, dos millones de d�lares en el banco y por lo menos 23 cm de pene, ella acepta encantada.
Con otra servilleta, el viudo le responde que �l tiene cuatro Mercedes Benz en su casa, cuatro millones de d�lares en el banco, pero que ser�a incapaz de quitarse dos cm de su pene tan s�lo para beberse la botella con ella…
…Y le quit� la botella.
ARMY
What army really means…
A ren’t
R eady for
M arines
Y et
whats the difference
whats the difference between a blonde and a brick?the brick doesn’t follow you around 3 days after you lay it
Mum I’m gay
A gay man finally decides to tell his parents about his sexuality.
He goes home and finds his mother cooking dinner.
He sits down and says, “Mom, I have something to tell you: I’m gay.”
His mother gives no response, and the guy is about to repeat it when she turns away from the stove and calmly asks,
“You’re gay doesn’t that mean you put men’s members in your mouth?”
The guy nervously says, “Uh, yeah.”
His mother turns back to the stove, then whirls around, whacks him over the head with her spoon and says, “Don’t you ever complain about my cooking again!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
My Dad’s a Lawyer
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
“My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.
“Tommy,” replied the second.
“My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.”
“Honest?” asked Billy.
“No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.
Ongoing note
Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:
THE TENT POLE IS UP,
THE CANVAS IS SPREAD.
THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST,
COME BACK TO BED.
The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy.
It read:
TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN,
PUT THE CANVAS AWAY.
THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE,
NO CIRCUS TODAY.
So he sent another note down, it read:
THE TENT POLE’S STILL UP,
AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD.
SO DROP WHAT YOU’RE DOING,
AND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD.
To which she replied:
I’M SURE THAT YOUR POLE’S
THE BEST IN THE LAND.
BUT I’M BUSY RIGHT NOW,
SO DO IT BY HAND!!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Lightbulb
Q. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A. You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Gas station
a man goes to a gas station and says weres your petral tanks the guy replies we dont do tha well chek my engine sorry we dont do that well what kind of garage are you an IRA garage well gona blow up my tyres.
Green Stains and Monica’s Hams
The Dr. Seuss Storyline:
Mr. Starr:
I am Starr. Starr I are.
I’m a brilliant barri-star.
I’m here to ask, as you’ll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
And were you spied by prying eyes?
Mr. Clinton:
I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join-even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!
Mr. Starr:
Did you smile? Did you Flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
Did you hug and did you kiss
This young Lewinsky miss?
Did you go and make a mess?
Did you soil her brand new dress?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?
Mr. Clinton:
That is it, you’ve gone too far!
I do not like you Starr you are!
This bad dream I want to bury,
I will tell the Grand Jury!
I will tell them what we did,
I will tell them where we hid.
I will tell them everything,
Of this hot and torrid fling!
Mr. Starr:
So you did it, you admit!
You bared your johnson to that twit.
We have the dress, we have a case
The Oval Office was the place.
Though she promised not to slip
She blabbed it all to Linda Tripp.
For your crimes of deceit,
They’ll start the process to impeach.
Mr. Clinton:
From my country, I beg of thee,
Give me trust and sympathy.
There was a moment I was weak,
Some satisfaction I did seek.
How was I to run this nation,
While Hillary took vacation.
Monica was there for me,
She’s not a model, I agree.
Mr. Starr:
I am Starr. Starr I are.
I’m a brilliant barri-star.
Beg and grovel all you choose
But in the end you will lose.
For Monica I do not care,
What comes of her and that hair.
But in hist’ry I’ll go far,
For I am Starr, STAR I ARE!