There was this flight attendant that was so stupid the
other ones noticed…
Author: admin
How To Get A Man To Leave
How do you get a man to leave when you want?
Ask him about his feelings.
Stupid Jokes
1. What do u call a boomerang that doesnt come back to u?
a. A stick.
2. Whats wrong with this:
a b c d e f g h i j k m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
a. noel
3. What did 1 magnet say to the other?
a. I find u attractive.
4. My dogs name is camera. He snaps a lot.
5. Why did the chicken cross the road?
a. Colonel Sanders was gaining on him.
Lawyers Running Late
Two attorneys have planned to meet for lunch, but one of them shows up 30 minutes late.The one who’s been waiting asks his partner: “What kept you?” “I ran over a Coke bottle and got a flat tire.” “A Coke bottle in the road? Didn’t you see it?” “No, the kid had it under his coat.”
Cherry Brandy
Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration – that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper.
“Gladly,” responded the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the “appreciation” column. There he read: “The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given.”`
Whacky Races!
2 competitive silk worms decided to have a race… it ended in a Tie!!!
Una mujer aborda un elevador
Una mujer aborda un elevador de un hospital y se encuentra a un vecino:
“Hola, qu� tal, �a que piso va?”
“Al segundo piso, a donar sangre; me dan $75 por donaci�n”, indica la chica.
“Yo voy al cuarto piso, soy donante de esperma y me dan $500 por donaci�n.
Dos semanas despu�s se vuelven a encontrar en el mismo elevador. El vecino la saluda y le pregunta que si va al segundo piso y ella, apenada y con la boca llena de algo, le se�ala con los dedos que va al cuarto piso.
Young bride
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel.
Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs.
The smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident.
Fifteen minutes later the young bride slowly trudged into the dining room and seated herself across from her 70-year old. Her face was drawn and her voice weak as she ordered toast and coffee.
The groom, now finished, excused himself and strolled into the lobby for his morning cigar.
As the waitress approached with the bride’s toast and coffee, she said, “Honey, I don’t understand it. Here you a young bride with an old husband, looking like you’ve encountered a buzz saw.”
“That guy,” said the bride, “double crossed me. He told me he saved up for 60 years and I thought he was talking about money!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
The Sales Pitch
Despite his best sales pitch, a life insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. “I certainly don’t want to frighten you into a decision,” he announced, standing up to leave.
“Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.”
Chinese Detective
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a famous Chinese detective to watch and report activities while he was gone. A few days later he received this report:Most Hon’ble Sir, You leave the house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree – look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree. Not see. No fee.
El Sr. Gonz�lez, un pr�spero
El Sr. Gonz�lez, un pr�spero fabricante de clavos, tratando de ampliar su negocio, decide armar una estrategia publicitaria a escala internacional.
Luego de recorrer varias agencias, decide encarg�rsela a una agencia publicitaria de Tontilandia, por ser la m�s barata:
“Mire, amigo, mi empresa se dedica a la fabricaci�n y venta de clavos quiero una publicidad para los medios televisivos, que destaque y haga hincapi� en la calidad de mis clavos.”
“No se preocupe, le contesta el tontiland�s, para la semana que viene se la tengo lista.”
A la semana siguiente, el empresario vuelve a la agencia, y el tontiland�s le presenta una muestra de un aviso televisivo que, con medio minuto de duraci�n, muestra una escena de la crucifixi�n de Jesucristo. La Virgen Mar�a aparece llorando a los pies de su Hijo, los soldados romanos burl�ndose y Jes�s clavado en la cruz. En lo alto de la cruz, donde generalmente aparece la inscripci�n “INRI”, aparece la leyenda: “CON CLAVOS GONZ�LEZ… �NO SE ESCAPA NI DIOS!”
El empresario al verlo se pone como loco y le grita furioso al tontiland�s:
“�Pero qu� hizo, animal!… �usted de verdad pretende poner este aviso en todos los medios del mundo? �La cuarta parte de la poblaci�n mundial es cristiana… nadie me va a comprar clavos!
El tontiland�s, asustado, le contesta:
“Disculpe, entonces �qu� clase de aviso quiere?”
“Uno que destaque la calidad de mis clavos, h�galo como quiera pero �no ponga a Cristo clavado con mis clavos!, grita el hombre y se va.
A la semana siguiente, el empresario vuelve a la agencia y el tontiland�s le dice:
“Mire, se�or, ya le tengo el nuevo aviso, como usted lo quer�a.”
Y le proyecta otro nuevo aviso. Ahora aparece Jes�s, semidesnudo, corriendo por las calles de Jerusal�n, huyendo de una horda de soldados romanos que lo persiguen. Al final del aviso, mientras los soldados siguen corriendo tras de Jes�s, uno de los soldados le va diciendo al que corre a su lado:
“�Joder, Venancio… te dije que us�ramos clavos Gonz�lez!”
Fishing Proverb
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.
Teach him how to fish and you can sell him a rod.