A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and
walks over to his Grandpa and says, “Grandpa, please make a frog noise.”
The Grandpa says, “No�.
The little boy goes on, “Please .. please make a frog noise.”
The Grandpa says, “No, now go play�.
The little boy then says to his sister, “Go tell Grandpa to make a frog
noise�. So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, “Please make a frog
noise.”
The Grandpa says, “I just told your brother no and I’m telling you no.”
The little girl says, “Please .. please Grandpa makes a frog noise.”
The Grandpa says, “Why do you want me to make a frog noise?”
The little girl replied, “Because mommy said when you croak we can go to
Disney world!”
Author: admin
So this guy was out on his front lawn flying…
So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite, he was really
having a difficult time. The kite was swinging wildly, not exactly
what you’d describe as stable, so his wife sticks her head out the door
and says, “Gee Ralph, it looks like you need more tail.”
Ralph replies “Make up your goddamn mind, last night you told me to
go fly a kite!”
Top 10 Things I’m Sick of Hearing about my Wedding
10. How are the wedding plans going?
9. Are you nervous yet?
8. Has she sobered up?
7. I heard you got married last week.
6. Is it a big wedding?
5. I TOLD YOU TO TAKE OUT THE #&@^% GARBAGE YOU #&^#%$*@!!! I DON’T KNOW WHY THE #%@& I AGREED TO MARRY A (*^&@&^ LIKE YOU!!!
4. OK. I’ll up the offer to $5000, just please don’t marry into our family.
3. ….and the cost for that will be ….
2. I’m sorry… this credit card isn’t being accepted.
1. Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?
Best Steak
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.
After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, “Mate, that was the best steak I’ve ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him.”
“No problem,” says the barman. “He’s upstairs with my wife.” “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?” asks the man.
“Probably the same thing I’m doing to his business down here!”
Plastic surgery
This one woman who was in her late 40’s went to the plastic surgen. She wanted an entire face lift and so the doctor said he had this new technique. The woman asked how it was done so the doctor explained it. He said that he would cut two slits on top of her head and tie them into a knot. The woman asked why he would put a knot, and the doctor said that it was so if her face felt a little droopy, when she twisted it to the right, it would tighten the skin on her face. The woman decided to get the surgery done.The doctor told her to come back in four months so he could check up on how she was doing. During the four months the woman had tightened the knot quite a bit. When the woman had finally gone back to see the doctor, she had been complaining about her bags under her eyes being heavy.The doctor examined her for one minute and said, lady, those aren’t bags under your eyes, they’re your tits! And then the lady said, that would explain the gotee on my chin!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Martha!Martha who?Martha them
Knock KnockWho’s there?Martha!Martha who?Martha them up to the top of the hill and the marched them down again!
From the ancient tom
Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows XP on my PC. I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows XP CD. To my surprise he threw it into my microwave oven and turned it on. Instantly I got very upset, because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: “Do not worry, it is unharmed.”After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said: “Take a close look at it.” To my surprise the CD was quite cold to hold and it seemed to be heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, an inscription finer than anything I had ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:12413AEB2ED4FA5E6F7D78E78BEDE820945092OF923A40EElOE5 IOCC98D444AA08EI324″I cannot understand the fiery letters,” I said in a timid voice.”No but I can,” he said. “The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:”‘One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.'”It is only two lines from a verse long known in System-lore:”‘Three OS’s from corporate-kings in their towers of glass, Seven from valley-lords where orchards used to grow, Nine from dotcoms doomed to die, One from the Dark Lord Gates on his dark throne In the Land of Redmond where the Shadows lie. One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them, In the Land of Redmond where the Shadows lie.'”
20 Fun Things To Do During a Graduation Ceremony
1. Put Salsa dip in your mortarboard. Pass it around for a snack.
2. Spread rubber cement on every seat except yours. Watch the
fun as everyone tries to leave.
3. Replace all diplomas with acheivement certificates from “Bed
Wetters Anonymous.”
4. Bring a whoopie cushion and stink bombs. Be creative with
this one.
5. Also bring an aresol can and a lighter!
6. Start a wave.
7. Publicly tar and feather someone.
8. Hide somewhere. At a set time, ambush everyone with water
balloons.
9. When you recieve your diploma, act as though you have won an
academy award. Say “You like me. You really like me. Thank
all the little people who made this possible.”
10. Streak.
11. Come with a cold. Blow your nose in someone else’s diploma.
12. Bring your pet skunk. Ask if people want to pet him.
13. After you recieve your diploma, stage dive.
14. See just how many farm animal sounds you can make.
15. Claim you have pictures of the validictorian naked with a
cow. See what happens.
16. Eat garlic and onions for breakfast that day. Engage in
conversation with as many people as possible.
17. Ask the person next to you if he/she would move because that
seat is reserved for your imaginary friend.
18. Bring baby pictures of the principal.
19. Try to bribe the valedictorian into stripping.
20. When all else fails, you can never go wrong with an airhorn!!
How can you spot the
How can you spot the Polish Jew at the Wailing Wall?
He’s the one with the harpoon.
Laugh alone and the world
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
Your so poor
your so poor the other day i saw you kicking a can down the street i asked you what you where doing you said you were moving
The De-Ranged Cowboy
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys, back on the ranch, about his first visit to a big-city church.
“When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began.
“You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
“I walked up the trail to the gate,” Joe continued.
“The sidewalk to the door,” Charlie corrected him.
“Inside the door, I was met by this dude,” Joe went on.
“That would be the usher,” Charlie explained.
“Well, the usher led me down the chute,” Joe said.
“You mean the aisle,” Charlie said.
“Then he led me to a stall and told me to sit there,” Joe continued.
“Pew,” Charlie retorted.
“Yeah,” recalled joe. “That’s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her.”