Say Again?

A numbers mob was looking for a runner to pick up betting cash in a new location( A very rich area – Expected around $200,000 in cash daily ). A man was chosen but never showed up with the cash. Mr. Big asked the guy in charge of finding the runner, “Where is my money.” The man replied that he didn’t know and said that he would find him.

The man located the new runner and brought him to Mr. Big’s office. Mr. Big said, “Where the fuck is my money? “. The runner looked puzzled and started talking in sign language. Mr. Big said, “What the fuck is this?”

The man in charge of hiring the runner explained that he was deaf and dumb and was the only person that he could find to take the job.

Mr. Big said, “Do you know how to read sign language?”

The man said, ” No, but I’ll find someone who can. “.

He comes back with a female interpreter and Mr. Big asks her to ask the runner where his money is. The girl starts asking him in sign language where his money is and the man replies back to her in the same.

“Well,” says Mr. Big, “What did he say?”
She says he said, “Fuck You! “.

Mr. Big replied, “You’d better ask him again, I hope he misunderstood you.”

The girl asks him again, “Where is the money ” and the man again replied in sign language. “

What did he say this time? “, asked Mr. Big.
He said ” Fuck You, again “.

With that, Mr. Big got very upset and told her to tell him, “If he doesn’t tell me where my money is, I’ll cut off his head and throw him in the river!”.

She told this to the man and this time he answered, “It’s under the front seat of my car”, again in sign language.

” Well “, asked Mr. Big,” What did he say this time? “.
She replied ” He said Fuck You! “.

Englishman Irishman and Scottishman

There was a Englishman a Irishman and a Scottishman and they
were about to jump in a swimming pool, and suddenly a gienie
approachs them and says “what ever u say when u jump in the
swimming pool u will land in ” so the Scottish man says “beer”
so he lands in beer! the Englishman says”whisky”and he lands in
whisky!The Irishman took a long run up and triped on a stone and
said “SHIT” and he landed in shit !!!!

Dos caballeros que se mov�an

Dos caballeros que se mov�an muy de prisa en el interior de un Hipermercado con sus carritos de compras se chocan. Uno le dice al otro:

“Perd�neme Usted es que busco a mi se�ora”.

“Que coincidencia yo tambi�n, estoy ya desesperado…”

“Bueno tal vez te pueda ayudar. �C�mo es su se�ora?”

“Es alta, de pelo casta�o claro, piernas bien torneadas, pechos firmes, en fin muy bonita… �y la tuya?”

“Olv�date de la m�a, busquemos a la tuya…”

Give up drugs

Monday, two boys were in court after doing their community service for vandalism charges, and the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the weekend?”

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”

“17 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?”

“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.”

“That’s admirable,” said the judge. “And you, how did you do?” (to the 2nd boy)

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”

“156 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that!”

“Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles) I said (pointing to small circle) this is your asshole before prison….. and (pointing to the large circle) this is your asshole after prison.

Se casan dos negros. La

Se casan dos negros. La negra le dice a la mama:

“Mam�, f�jate que la cagu�.”

“�Por qu�, mija?”

“Pues yo le dije a este negro bastardo que yo era virgen y yo hace rato que no.”

“Vos sos muy bruta no, te va tocar ir al supermercado a comprarte un taco de dinamita peque�ito, te lo metes por la cuca y cuando el negro te meta eso, esa vaina explota, y el negro te pregunta: “�Qu� fue eso!” y vos le dec�s, eso fue mi virginidad que se fue para el cielo.”

Cuando la negra va a el super s�lo encontro un tacote el berraco de grande y se lo meti� todo en la cuca.

En la Noche se lo clava el negro y !!!!BUUUMMMM!!! y el negro:

“�Qu� fue eso?”

“Fue mi virginidad que se fue al cielo.”

“Pues ve bajando a esa hijueputa que se me llev� la verga.”

2 drunks bar hopping

Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. “I’ve got it, follow me.” said the first man. They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. “We’ll go into a bar and order drinks, and when the bartender asks for money, I’ll unzip my fly and pull out the hot dog. You drop to your knees and pretend to suck me off.” The second man agrees to this and they start thier rounds.When they get to the bar, they sit down and have a beer. The bartender tells them, “That will be 3 dollars.”The first man stands up and upzips his fly. The second man drops to his knees and starts sucking on the hot-dog. “You faggots!”, screams the bartender. “Get the hell out of here!” They run out and go to another bar and order drinks and when the bartender asks for money, the first man unzips his fly, and the second man drops to his knees. The bartender throws them out. After the sixth bar the second man complains, “Man this isn’t working out so well, My knees are killing me!””You think you’ve had it bad..”, the first man exclaims. “I lost the hotdog 4 bars ago!”

Chaos

Seems there were these three professionals sitting around talking about the oldest profession (not THAT one!).

The Doctor says, “Well, the Bible says that God took a rib out of Adam to make woman. Since that clearly required surgery, then the oldest profession is surely medicine.”

The Engineer shakes his head and replies, “No, no. The Bible also says that God created the world out of void and chaos. To do that, God must surely have been an engineer. Therefore, Engineering is the oldest profession.”

The Lawyer smiles smugly and leans discreetly forward. “Ah,” he says, “but who do you think created the Chaos?”

Good SEX

there was a guy name Brandon and his gilfreand name gabby . gabby ask Brandon do you want to do it. brandon said we suoud use codeso thay did gabby ask agin brandon said yes i will have sex with you to night in fact the person writeing this joke is a real person that person is nacked writeing the joke now and he is have sex right now.

A guy dies and goes to the…

A guy dies and goes to the gates to be tested. Since it was a slow day for St.Peter he decided to take the guy on a tour of heaven. St.Peter shows the guy the golf course,cafeteria,bathrooms, and so on. Then finally they were going to the last room. The guy goes in and sees a huge room of clocks. He asks St.Peter why there are so many clocks in the room. St.Peter tells the guy that the clocks show the life span of every person and once one runs out they die. The guy thought that made since. Then he saw that some were going faster than others and asked why. St.Peter said that when a person lies their clock speeds up. The guy thought that made since. Then as they were leaving the room the guy saw a clock that was going really fast, so fast you could hardly keep up with it. The guy asked St.Peter ”What’s the story on that clock?”St.Peter replied”Oh, that, that’s O.J. Simpson’s clock we use it as a fan.”