A guy is sitting at a bar, throwing back glass after glass of scotch. The bartender, a little worried, asks him if he’s okay.”No, I’m not,” the guy replies.”I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend.””Well,” asks the bartender, “what did you say to your wife?””Nothing. I’m not speaking to that bitch anymore.””Well, what did you say to your best friend?””BAD DOG! BAD DOG!”
Author: admin
The best momma joke ever!!!!
ha ha u guys thought that this was a joke
🙂
Knock KnockWho’s there?Warren!Warren who?Warren my
Knock KnockWho’s there?Warren!Warren who?Warren my birthday suit!
The Priest’s Mistake
A preacher and an attorney were talking one day about the
mistakes they made in their respective professions, and how they
deal with them.
The lawyer boasted that because he was a lawyer if he made a
really big mistake he just shuffled a few papers and pulled a
few legal maneuvers and covered it all up. If it was a small
mistake he just ignored it and went on with life. The attorney
turned to the preacher and asked, “How do you do it, pastor?”
The pastor said, “If it is a really large mistake I just turn to
the Lord and ask forgiveness.” The attorney interrupted him and
asked, “But what about small mistakes, how do you handle them?”
The preacher replied, “Well, just last Sunday in my sermon I was
quoting Jesus from the gospel of John chapter 8 where he said,
“You are your father the devil, he was a liar from the
beginning.” Instead I said, “You are of your father the devil,
he was lawyer from the beginning.” Upon hearing this the lawyer
became indignant and retorted, “Well how did you handle it?” The
preacher replied, “It was such a small mistake that I just
ignored it and went on.”
Skipped Church Lately?
One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting. When
in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while
until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost
face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, “Dear Lord, if
there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear
a Christian.” And at that instant�the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his
knees and said, “Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!”
Una mujer envi� su ropa
Una mujer envi� su ropa interior a una lavander�a china. Al recogerla, se percata que unas de sus pantaletas a�n ten�a ciertas manchas. En la siguiente ocasi�n que manda su ropa a la lavander�a pone una nota:
“Use m�s jab�n en las pantaletas”.
D�as despu�s, cuando recoge su ropa, encuentra una nota del lavandero entre las prendas:
“Use m�s papel en su trasero”.
Money for furniture
A woman filed for divorce. The reason: her husband did not satisfy her sexual
needs.
“Tell your side of the story,” the judge said to the husband.
“When we just married,” the husband said, “my wife said, ‘Let’s us save money
for furniture.’ I agreed, so we ate only soup until we’d money for furniture.
Then she said, ‘Let’s save money for a TV set..’ I agreed, so we ate only tea,
until we bought the TV set. Then she said, ‘Let’s save money for a car. We
switched to water….”
“It’s interesting,” the judge said, “But you better tell us about your
performance in bed. Your wife complains that you do not satisfy…..”
“Citizen�s judges! Just give me one bowl of soup, and I’ll satisfy all of
you.”
Your momma is…
Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie “Twister”.
Yo Mama’s So Fat.. Thong
Yo’ mama so fat, you use her thong as a hammock!
Chihuahua
A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua on a leash.
She sits down next to a drunk.
The drunk rolls around, leans over and�splat!�he pukes all over the dog.
Looking down, the vagrant sees the little dog struggling in his pool of vomit, and slurs, �I don�t remember eating that.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Ewwww Nasty.
How do blind people know when they are done wiping their ass? Their dog stops licking.
Your house
Your apartment is so small, the roaches are hunchbacks.
There are so many roaches in your house you should make them sighn a lease.
Your house is so small, when you eat in the kitchen your elbows are in the
livingroom.
Your house is so poor they tore it down to put up a slum.
I went to your house stepped on a cigerett, your mom yelled who turned off
the heat?
Your house is so hot the roaches carry canteens.
Your family is so poor your house has a kickstand.