Author: admin

God is missing

Posted on by admin

The harbormaster was having troubles with his two young boys, so he decided to send them to Rev. Hawkins for some help.

The next morning Billy, aged 8, was sent. Upon arriving, the Rev. sat him down and sternly asked, “Where is God ?”

Billy sat there speechless, so the Rev asked louder, “Where is God ?”

Again no answer came from Billy, so the Rev. shook his finger in Billy’s
face and screamed, “WHERE IS GOD ?”

Billy screamed and bolted from the room, ran right home and dove into his closet, shutting the door behind him.

His older brother Joe watched this, slowly opened the door and asked,
“What happened to you ?”

Billy yelled, “We’re in big trouble this time, dude. God is missing and
they think WE did it. “

He is a very smart dog

Posted on by admin

Went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its
head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended,
I decided to go and speak to the man.

“That’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen,” I said. “That dog really seemed to
enjoy the film.”

The man turned to me and said, “Yeah, it is. He hated the book.”

Changing a Light Bulb

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Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1,331:

  • 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
  • 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
  • to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
  • 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
  • 53 to flame the spell checkers
  • 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
  • 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
  • 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
  • 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
  • 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
  • 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
  • 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
  • 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
  • 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
  • 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add “Me Too.”
  • 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
  • 19 to quote the “Me Too’s” to say, “Me Three.”
  • 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
  • 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
  • 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
  • 143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

Prepared Baptismal

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Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, ‘Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”I think so,’ the man replied. ‘My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”I don’t mean that,’ the priest responded. ‘I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”Oh, sure,’ came the reply. ‘I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.’