Author: admin

Priest… ‘I don’t think you will ever find another man like your late husband.’

She said…’Who’s gonna look?’

He said… You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She said…No, have you?

He said… Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?

She said…Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.

He said… What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said…Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said… Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.

She said…Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis

Q: Why does Congressman Gary Condit wear pants?A: To keep his ankles warm!

What’s the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.

Three men get captured by cannibals on a tropical island. Before
they are stripped of their skin to make canoes out of, they are
given their choice of how to kill themselves. The first wishes
to die quickly and painlessly, and shoots himself in the head.
The second chooses to die slowly and somewhat euphoricly by
drowning, and subsequently immerses himself in the lagoon until
dead. The third, asks the tribal chief for a fork, and proceeds
to stab himself repeatedly all over. When the tribal chief askes
why he has chosen such a painful and masochistic form of death,
the condemned man replies, “There’s no way you’re making a
fucking canoe out of me!”

You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people’s stupidity.
You want to slap the next person who says “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and
have summers free.”
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe “Shallow gene pool” should have its own box in the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says “Boy, the
kids sure are mellow today.
When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do
not know and correct their behavior.
You have no life between August to June.
When you mention “Vegetables” you’re not talking about a food group.
You think people should be required to get a government permit before being
allowed to reproduce.
You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in
an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
You’ve ever had your profession slammed by someone who would “Never DREAM” of
doing your job.
You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
You know you are in for a major project when a parent says “I have a great
idea I’d like to discuss. I think it would be such fun.”
You want to choke a person when he or she says “Oh, you must have such FUN
everyday. This must be like playtime for you.”
Meeting a child’s parent instantly answers the question “Why is this kid like
this?”