Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.Bill said to Jim & Scott, “Let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way.”At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.”I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “I left the room key in the car!!!
Author: admin
En un pueblo hab�an atropellado
En un pueblo hab�an atropellado a un burro. El atropellamiento fue tal que qued� el burro totalmente destrozado… una pata por all�, otra por ac�, la cabeza m�s all�… pero lo m�s NOTORIO del burro (ya se imaginan qu�) qued� justo en medio de la banqueta.
En ese momento ven�an dos monjas caminado por la banqueta cuando una de ellas tropieza con aquella tremenda cosa, y exclama muy asustada:
“�Ay Dios…! �Mataron al Padre Juan!”
How to drown a blonde.
How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the
bottom of the pool!
Gay Identification
A guy from the deep south comes to New York and he’s amazed by the indoor plumbing. He’s so intrigued by the way the toilets work that he goes to the Sewage Disposal Plant to check it out.One of the inspectors shows him to the conveyor belt that carries all the bowel movements. As the piles of shit parade by them, the inspector says, “You can tell by inspection who the assorted feces belong to. See that one? I’m sure it’s the turd of a Mexican. See the pieces of taco shell, and the tomato seeds? And this next one is obviously the turd of a Chinaman or a Jap, see the fish eyes and the rice in it? And this next one is surely from a gay man.”The hick says, “How can you tell?”The inspector says, “It’s dented on one end.”
The lighting of the church candles
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you…”
Due to the shape of the North American Elk’s…
Due to the shape of the North American Elk’s esophagus. even if it
could speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna.
– Cliff Clavin, Cheers
Creative Dog Breeding
Q: What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with Lassie?
A. meloncollie
William Tell Syndrome
I shot an arrow in the air.
Where did it land?
Hey I don’t care
It’s probably embedded into some old oak,
But I’m not gonna go look for it,
‘Cuz it’s probably broke!
Or maybe it’s in someone’s skull.
For the sake of their family,
I hope that arrow was dull!
If it wasn’t dull then I am screwed,
For they will get a lawyer,
And I will get sued!
It’s not my fault they walked into my arrow.
It’s not my problem it pierced their skin
Lungs and bone marrow!
But of course that’s not what the jury will see.
Someone will be guilty,
And that someone is me!
I’ll spend my life sitting in jail,
All alone,
Rotting away, turning pale.
And then I’ll probably get the chair,
Or lethal injection,
And that’s just not fair!!!
And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse,
They will take my corpse
For a ride in a hurse.
Then I could end up being a ghost
*Insert funny line here*
And take on a human to be my host.
Go out again and shoot an arrow.
Whoops!
Looks like I am in court tomorrow!
When will this cycle ever end?
What is the moral?
Is broccoli your friend?
So listen to me, and listen good:
Don’t shoot your arrows,
Unless you know you should.
Church
One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother she’s going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up. ”Yes,” the girl says.”But I didn’t have to go all the way ’round the back. There was a box near the front door that said ‘For the Sick.”’
Purple Blurple
One day while Jonny was in class, his friend dared him to ask
what a purple blurple is. So Jonny raised his hand and the
teacher called on him, cuz everyone knows Jonny. Jonny asked,
“Whats a purple blurple?”
“Jonny! How dare you ask such a horrible question! I’m taking
you to the principal’s office!” The teacher screamed. So she
took Jonny to the principal’s office and threw him on the
waiting couch. When it was Jonny’s turn, the principal said,
“Come in Jonny, did your teacher have you come down to give me
some thing or tell me something?” Cuz everyone knows Jonny.
Jonny steeped in and said, “Well, all I did was ask the teacher
what a purple blurple is…” “Jonny! Take your things and
leave school, never come back!” the principal raged. So Jonny
left school and went home to his house. He knocked on the door
and his mother answered.
“Why hi Jonny, whats up? Why are you home early?”His mother
asked. “Well, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office and
the principal sent me home!”Jonny explained. “Why…did that
happen?”His mother asked. “Cuz all I did was ask what a purple
blurple is!”
“Jonny! Go up to your room and have your father deal with you
once he gets home!”She yelled. So Jonny went up to his room and
waited for three hours when he heard a knock. “Come in,” Jonny
said. Jonny’s father entered and said, “Jonny why is your
mother so upset?” Jonny replied, “Well, my teacher sent me up
to the principal’s office, who sent me home, then mom sent me up
to my room and that’s it!” “Why did all this happen?” Jonny’s
father asked. “Cuz I asked what a purple blurple is.”
“Jonny! Pack your bags! I want you out of this house in ten
minutes!!” His father screamed. So Jonny packed what was
important and that he could carry and walked out the door. He
was walking down the street when Bob the cab driver came. “Hi
Jonny!” Cuz everyone knows Jonny. “What’s with all the luggage?
Why don’t I give you a ride and you can explain.” So Jonny
Climbed into the cab and started, “My teacher sent me to the
principal’s office…the airport please…and the principal sent
me home and my mom sent me to my room and my dad threw me out of
the house!” “And why did that happen? What did you do?” Bob
asked. “All I did was ask what a purple blurple was.” he
explained.
“Jonny! Get out of this cab!” Bob yelled as he slammed onthe
breaks. Jonny got out of the cab and took his luggage. By this
time Jonny was only 100 feet away from the airport so he walked
the rest of the way. He had no money so he slid in a corner and
slept there.
A flight attendant found him in the morning, “Hi Jonny!” Cuz
everyone knows Jonny. “Why are you in a corner in the airport.”
“It’s a realy long story, I was kicked out of my house.” Jonny
summarised. “Ohhh, that’s horrible, how about we give you a
free trip to anywhere.” So, Jonny went on a jet to anywhere and
everywhere. The pilot greeted him, “Hi Jonny!” Cuz everyone
knows Jonny. “What brings you here?” Jonny explained all that
had happened. “Why?” Is all the pilot had to ask. “All I did
was ask what a purple blurple was!” The pilot got a parachute
on Jonny and threw him out the door. Jonny landed next to the
president of Amierica.
“Hi Jonny!” Cuz everyone knows Jonny. “What brings you to
Rome?” Jonny explained what happened.”…And then the pilot
threw me out the window!” “Well, that’s quite an interesting
story. Why did, ah, that happen?” the president asked. “Well,
all I asked was what a purple blurple is!”
“Jonny! What an inappropriate question! You need to go talk to
the Pope!!” So, the president takes Jonny over to the Pope.
“Hi Jonny!” Cuz everyone knows Jonny. “Tell me your story.”
Jonny explained everything to the Pope. “But, why, my son?” “I
asked what a purple Blurple is.”
“Jonny! I need you to go talk to my councelor, he overheard
everything, just go talk with him.” So, Jonny stepped over to
the councelor. “Hi Jonny!” Cuz everyone knows Jonny. “I know
your story, let’s cross the street and get some ice cream and
talk this over.” So the councelor walked across the street and
motioned Jonny to do so. Jony was hit by a car.
What’s the Moral of this story?(scroll down)
Answer:Look both ways before crossing the street!
En el ej�rcito estaban reclutando
En el ej�rcito estaban reclutando a gente para ir a la guerra. En eso, llega un gay a reclutarse, los reclutadores se quedan asombrados de como un gay se iba a reclutar y le dicen, �por qu� te reclutas?, y el contesta, “porque amo a mi pa�s”.
Entonces lo reclutan, y pasan los a�os y el gay es llamado, y lo mandan a la guerra. Un d�a el capit�n del escuadr�n decide hacer una emboscada al enemigo y se esconden detr�s de una colina, llega el momento y disparan, pero no contaban con que el enemigo era m�s poderoso as� que deciden huir, corren y se refugian detr�s de otra colina y el capitan susurra:
“No hagan ruido, de lo contrario nos van a coger.”
En eso el gay se levanta y grita:
“!Aqu� estamos, aqu� estamos!”
Bowling Team
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn’t hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.She says, “What the heck’s goin’ on up here? We’re havin’ a grand time downstairs!” One of the Blondes looks up and says, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!”