What type of salad dressing do the Chinese use?
Chairman Mayo.
Author: admin
Funny
There once was a boy named doda .he had no arms no legs .his friends where scared of doda’s mother, so they had to see who picked the smallest straw to ask doda’s mother if he can go fishing. so when the one boy went to ask, the mother said ok. when they got there doda fell over board so they went home . then they saw the mother and she asked where is doda ,they said doda fell over borad doda doda, doda fell over board doda doda day.
Knock Knock 38
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Clare!
Clare who?
Clare your throat before you speak!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Clarence!
Clarence who?
Clarence sale!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cliff!
Cliff who?
Cliff the hedges!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Colleen!
Colleen who?
Colleen up this mess!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Colin!
Colin who?
Colin all cars, Colin all cars!
Bird and Bloke
Bloke: Would you shag me for a million pounds?
Bird: Yes.
Bloke: Would you shag me for a fiver?
Bird: No, what do you take me for?
Bloke: I’ve already figured that one out. I’m just figuring out the price.
crash
How did the blonde explain how his helicopter crashed?He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.
When a blonde wants to be more popular, what nickname does she use?
B. J.
A pile of one liners!
Why are sheep always in a field?
Because they can’t get out !
Who gives my cat his Christmas presents?
Santa Paws!
Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents?
Santa Claws!
What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around while i go ahead!
Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs!
What did mary say to santa during the storm?
Look at that rain, dear!
Where do plumbers buy there presents?
Bath!
Why is it best to park your car near the moon?
Because there is a lot of space!
What is the use of reindeer?
It makes the garden grow sweetie!
How many legs does rudolph have?
Four?
No, six. – he’s got forelegs and two back legs!
What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini?
Squash!
Why did the reindeer take his nose apart?
To see what made it run!
What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail?
Reg!
Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer?
No.
Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deer
Why do reindeers have wrinkled ankles?
Because they lace there boot too tight!
What did santa give the death fisherman for christmas?
A herring aid!
Whats the worst thing to get for christmas?
Measles!
Where is the best place to buy your dog a christmas present?
Leeds!
Where does noddy do his christmas shopping?
Redcar!
Where does the queen do her christmas shopping?
Newcastle!
What happens if you get too hot at a football match?
Sit a bit closer to one of the fans.
Ice fishing
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!
The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!
The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, I AM THE OWNER OF THIS ICE RINK!
Nuts
Why can’t Frankenstein have children?
Because his nuts are on his neck.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Playing House
Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, were playing house.
They both decided it was time to get married.
So Little Johnny went to Susie’s dad to ask for her hand in marriage.
“Where will you live?” asked Susie’s dad, thinking this was cute.
“Well,” said Little Johnny, “I figured I could just move into Susie’s room. It’s plenty big for both of us.”
“And how will you live?”
“I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance.
That should be enough.”
Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers,
Susie’s dad asked, “And what if little ones come along?”
“Well,” said Little Johnny, “we’ve been lucky so far
DICK HURTS
YOU HAVENT PARTIED UNTIL YOU WAKE UP ONE MORNING IN THE CLOSED, AND YOU�RE
FACE STINKS AND YOUR DICK HURTS.
I want to die in
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car….