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Vital Organs

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God Creates the Man

When God created man he called him and said:

– Man, I have good and bad news to tell you.

– Lord, Tell me the good first! – the man answered.

– When I made you, I gave you two organs that are very
important: The Brain and the penis.

– Yes Lord, then what’s the bad news?

God explained:

– You have very little blood, for that reason when you use one
of them the other one won’t work.

God Creates the Woman

When God created the woman he called her and said:

– Woman, I have good and bad news to tell you.

– Lord, Tell me the good one first! – the woman answered.

– When I made you, I gave you two organs that are very
important: The Brain and the vagina.

– Yes Lord, then what’s the bad news?

God explained:

– You have too much blood, and since you won’t use the first one
very often, the other one will put out the exceeding every
month.

A driver, who crashed into

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A driver, who crashed into the side of a 3000 ton wheat train
and was dragged in his car more than a kilometre before being slammed
into a pylon at the edge of a cliff, fell to his death as he walked
for help.

The Queensland, Australia man, 63, and his female companion, 64, were
driving along the Newell Highway near Moree, in Northwestern New
South Wales, on Wednesday night, police said.

Their car crashed into the side of a fully laden, 600 metre long
train at a level crossing. (I guess that would be harder to miss
than the side of a barn!) The vehicle became wedged between the
second last and last carriages and was dragged sideways beside the
track as the train continued towards Moree, a police spokeswoman
said.

After being carried more than a kilometre and a half they approached
an unfenced bridge with a 10 metre drop, the spokeswoman said.
Moments before they reached the precipice, the car was struck by a
pylon, dislodged from the train and spun several times. When it came
to rest, the pair managed to free themselves from the wreck (I wonder
if it was a Volvo?) with minor bruising and the man set off along the
railway line for help. But he slipped on the bridge and fell to his
death, the spokeswoman said.

The woman was eventually able to raise the alarm and was recovering
in Moree hospital with chest injuries.

TWO AUBURN GRADS

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Two Auburn grads had bought a couple of horses that they used to make some
money during the summer. But when winter came, they found that it cost too much
to board them. So they turned the horses loose in a pasture where there was
plenty to eat. “How will we tell yours from mine when we pick them up?” the
first Auburn guy asked.
“Easy,” replied the second. “We’ll cut the mane off my horse and the tail off
yours.”
By spring, the mane and tail had grown back to normal length. “Now what
are we going to do?” asked the first.
The second replied, “Well, why don’t you just take the black one and I’ll take
the white one.”

Farm Trucks

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Why Farm Trucks Are Never StolenThey have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, break down or run out of gas.Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.It takes too long to start and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.They’re too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver’s side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you’re being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren’t cracked and covered with duct tape.Top speed is only about 45 mph.Who wants a truck that needs a year’s worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in bodywork, taillights and a windshield.It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.

Purple Passion

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One day a teacher had each student tell the rest of the class
what their favorite color was. The last child she asked was a
boy named Danny. “What’s your favorite color Danny?”
“Purple passion,” he replied.
the teacher yelled, “Go to the principals office right now
young man.”
The principal asked him, “What did you do Danny?”
“All I said was that I liked purple passion and-“
“You are supended from this school forever!” the principal
screamed.
The boy walked home. When he got there his mom asked, “What’s
wrong hon?”
“I said I liked purple passion-“
“Go up to your room and stay there. Your dad will have a talk
with you when he gets back from work,” the mom said sternly. So
the boy walked up the stairs to his room.
When his dad got home he went up to Danny’s room and said,
“What did you do son?”
“I told mom I liked purple passion and then-“
“Young man, I dissown you,” The father yelled as he kicked his
Danny out of the house.
Danny walked down the street and he met up with George Bush,
Bush said to him, “What’s wrong little boy?”
“I said I liked purple passion and-“
“YOU MUST LEAVE THIS COUNTRY IMMEADIATLY!” Bush commanded.
Danny got on a plane to South America. On the plane a
stewardess asked him, “Hey sweety, what’s with the water works?”
“Well,” Danny said, “I said I liked purple passion and-“
“Go see the pilot right now,” the stewardess said as her face
turned beat red with anger.
Danny walked into the cabin and the pilot said, “What’s up?”
Danny whined, “I said I liked purple passion-“
“Don’t you ever ride one of our planes again!” the pilot
yelled as he slammed a paraschute onto Danny and kicked him out
of the plane.
Danny landed in Mexico. He took off the parachute, sat down
on the sidewalk, and began to cry. An old lady walked up to him
and said, “Hello darling. Could I trouble you to ask what’s
wrong?”
“I said I liked purple passion and now everyone hates me,”
Danny sobbed.
“I know someone who can help you,” the old lady said. “he live
in the house across the street.” As Danny crossed the road he
was run over by a truck. What is the moral of this story?

Look both ways before crossing the street.