Knock Knock 56

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Edith!
Edith who?
Edith, it’ll make you feel better!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Edna!
Edna who?
Edna the class!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Edwin!
Edwin who?
Edwin some, you lose some!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Egbert!
Egbert who?
Egbert no bacon please!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Egg!
Egg who?
Egg-citing to meet you!

Advertising Campaigns Gone Bad

1. The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?”

2. Coors put its slogan, “Turn it loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea”.

3. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux”.

4. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick”, a curling iron, into German only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick”.

5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.

6. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

7. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I saw the potato” (la papa).

10. Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, “it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken” was translated into Spanish as “it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate”.

11. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “it won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you”. Instead, the company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant”.

ready aim ____

a blonde brunett and a redhead were all about to die. so first comes the brunett and the killers say ready aim and she yells earthquake so they all run and duck for cover she escapes.

so they all come back after they found out it was a false alarm. and now its the red heads turn ready aim and she yells tornado again they all run and duck for cover.

once they find out its a false alarm they come back. now its the blondes turn and they say ready aim and she screams fire.

MOTHER SAYS

Throughout the centuries, mothers have been given their children plenty of
good advice and notable quotes. Here’s just a small sampling:
PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man.
Midnight is past your curfew!”
MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I don’t mind you having a garden, Mary,
but does it have to be growing under your bed?”
MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on braces,
Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”
HUMPTY DUMPTY’S MOTHER: “Humpty, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a
hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!”
COLUMBUS’ MOTHER: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, Christopher. You still
could have written!”
BABE RUTH’S MOTHER: “Babe, how many times have I told you — quit playing ball
in the house! That’s the third broken window this week!”
MICHELANGELO’S MOTHER: “Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do
you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?”
NAPOLEON’S MOTHER: “All right, Napoleon. If you aren’t hiding your report card
inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!”
CUSTER’S MOTHER: “Now, George, remember what I told you — don’t go biting off
more than you can chew!”
ABRAHAM LINCOLN’S MOTHER: “Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can’t you just
wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”
BARNEY’S MOTHER: “I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but
you’re starting to look a little purple.”
MARY’S MOTHER: “I’m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but
I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.”
BATMAN’S MOTHER: “It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the
insurance is going to be?”
GOLDILOCKS’ MOTHER: “I’ve got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear
family. You know anything about this, Goldie?”
LITTLE MISS MUFFET’S MOTHER: “Well, all I’ve got to say is if you don’t get
off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there’ll be a lot more spiders
around here!”
ALBERT EINSTEIN’S MOTHER: “But, Albert, it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do
something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?”
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S MOTHER: “The next time I catch you throwing money across
the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!”
JONAH’S MOTHER: “That’s a nice story, but now tell me where you’ve really been
for the last three days.”
SUPERMAN’S MOTHER: “Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we’ve
decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much
time in all those phone booths?”
THOMAS EDISON’S MOTHER: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric
light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!”

Gates Vs GM

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal.”

Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:
“Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?”

Stupid Questions?

Below are questions that people “actually asked” of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity.
(Source: Outside Magazine)

Grand Canyon National Park…
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom — where is it?
So where are the faces of the presidents?

Everglades National Park…
Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two o’clock bus leave?

Denali National Park (Alaska)…
What time do you feed the bears?
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

Mesa Verde National Park…
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
What did they worship in the kivas — their own made-up religion?
Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park…
How much of the cave is underground?
So what’s in the unexplored part of the cave?
Does it ever rain in here?
How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?
So what is this — just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park…
Where are the cages for the animals?
What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

Yellowstone National Park…
Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
How do you turn it on?
When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?