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A French guy, an American guy and a Cuban guy are standing on a cliff. The
French guy throws a case of fine wine off the cliff. ”Why did you do that?�
asked the other men.
”We have plenty of fine wine in France,” said the man.
Next, the Cuban guy throws a box of fine cigars off the cliff. ”Why did you
do that?” asked the other men.
“‘We have plenty of cigars in Cuba,” said the Cuban man.
Finally, the American man pickes up the Cuban man and throws him off the
cliff. ”What did you do that for?” asked the French man.
”We have plenty of Cubans in America.”

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go – and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.”Holy cow! What’s that smell?” “I don’t know, sir. I don’t smell anything. What does it smell like to you?” “Like someone crapped a Christmas tree.”

TRUE EXTRACTS FROM UK INSURANCE CLAIM FORMS:

I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than
I thought.

I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet.
I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it
with a blanket.

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Traveled by bus?

This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions
and answers on the claim form were:
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo

On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly
broke.

I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the
pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.

I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.

I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have
asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.

Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes
of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.

The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him
again.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intention.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.
As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my
vision and I did not see the other car.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my
universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the
pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found
in a ditch by some stray cows.

La familia com�a tranquilamente. De pronto, la hija de 10 a�itos comenta tristemente: “�Tengo una mala noticia…! �ya no soy virgen!” y rompe a llorar notablemente alterada… con sus manos en la cara y cierto halo de verg�enza.

Un silencio sepulcral, hasta que entre los padres comienzan las recriminaciones mutuas… El padre arranca:

�”T�, hija de puta! (se�alando a su esposa). �Esto es por ser como eres! por andar de coqueta como puta barata… con cualquier imb�cil que llega a casa. Claro, ese es el ejemplo que la ni�a tiene que ver todo el d�a. O de ti (se�alando a la hija mayor de 25) como andas manos�andote en el sof� y toqueteando al pendejo ese de arito y pelo largo, que hasta maric�n debe ser. �Todo delante de la ni�a!”

La madre no aguanta m�s y recrimina a todo grito:

“AAaaaaaaHHHHHH, s�? �Y qui�n es el imb�cil que se gasta medio sueldo en putas! y se despide de ellas en la puerta de la casa. �O es que t� piensas que la ni�a y yo somos ciegas, desgraciado! Adem�s, qu� ejemplo pude tener si desde que te compraste la televisi�n esa por cable, te la pasas viendo pel�culas porno todo el fin de semana!”

Desconsolada y al borde de un colapso, la madre con los ojos notablemente llorosos y con la boca temblorosa toma tiernamente las manos de su hija y en voz baja pregunta:

“�Pero c�mo fue? �Te lo hicieron vaginal? anal? �te forzaron?”

Y entre sollozos la ni�a le contesta:

“�No mami, lo que pasa es que la profesora me sac� del pesebre!”