A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient,
“How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?”
He got this reply…
“Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done
it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my
stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us; fell in love with my lovely
stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother.
Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy’s brother-in-law since he
is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy’s wife.
So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my
stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my
uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother’s
mother. Don’t forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that
I am my wife’s grandson. But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I’m
married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife’s grandson and her hubby,
but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this
place?”
Author: admin
Young Man: Why do philosophers
Young Man: Why do philosophers ask so many questions?
Is the manager in?
A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, “He isn’t here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.” By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers. She says, “You’re sure he isn’t here?” The bartender says, “Yes, I’m very sure.” The lady says, “Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the women’s restroom.”
It’s A Man’s World
This could be considered THE ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
Little Red Riding Ho
Once upon a time. Little Red Riding Hood’s mother (being concerned about the increase in violence in rural America) gave Little Red a .45 caliber gun for protection. Little Red kept this gun in her basket.
One summer day while on the way to her grandmothers house, a big bad wolf jumped out from behind a tree and howled “I’m going to fuck your brains out!”
Little Red pulled out her gun from the basket and calmly replied: “Oh no you’re not, you’re going to eat me like the story says.”
Computers – He???
Reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
Blind Inspector
A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expects to do this job since he is blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell.
The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him.
The manager asks, “What is it without touching it?”
The blind man replies, “That’s a good piece of fir.”
“Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one.”
“That’s a bad piece of willow,” says the blind man.
“Correct,” answers the manager. With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He gets his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face.
“I’m confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?”
The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face.
The blind man says, “Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the bathroom door off a tuna boat!”
One day when the
One day when the teacher walked to the black board,
she noticed someone handwritten the word ‘penis’ in
tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the
class looking for the guilty face.
Finding none, she quickly erased it,and began her
class.The next day she went into the room, and she
saw, in larger letters, the word ‘penis’ again on the
black board.
Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit,
but found none, so she proceeded with the day’s
lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the
classroom and found the same word written on the board,
each day’s word, larger than the previous day’s word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted
by the same word on the board, but instead, found the
words,
“The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!”
Working the Crowd
Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous
campaign rallies in the same park of a small new England town.
After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the
crowd–shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily.
Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain.
One of the candidates fled to take shelter in a nearby restaurant along with
half a dozen regulars.
The other candidate, however, continued to move through the crowd–shaking
hands, kissing babies, etc.
“That man’s persistence,” observed one of the natives, “sure makes it easy to
know who to vote for.”
“Yep,” another native agreed. “Sure can’t see myself voting for a moron who
hasn’t the brains to come in out of the rain.”
Congress
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
Save the whales, collect the
Save the whales, collect the whole set.
Fun at the airport
During the ‘rush hour’ at Houston’s Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. We were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as we were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement,’We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should ‘deplane’ at this time.’A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. ‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘wrong plane.’