There are 4 people standing by the ledge of a hill. The Mexican says “I do this for my country” and jumps. The White guy says “I do this for my country” and jumps off. The Black guy says “I do this for my country” and grabs the Indian and throws him off.
Author: admin
Q: How many roadies
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One, two ! One, two ! One, two !
Perambulating Candadians
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
He saw some American do it on TV.
Light bulb
Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That is what their students are for. (from Philip Clarke in New
Scientist)
Blonde Fire
Blonde, brunette, and redhead criminals are about to get a death penalty for murder. 5 men with guns are ready to shoot them. The men say “Ready, Aim..” and the brunette says, “Earthquake!” The men turn around and the brunette escapes.
The men say, “Ready, Aim..” and the redhead says, “Tornado!” The men turn around and the redhead escapes.
The men say, “Ready, Aim..” and the blonde yells “Fire!”
New Drugs
Below is a list of new drugs users of viagra have requested the me makers of viagra develop.VIAGRA-SKI Wonderful for those who have a hard time getting up on water-skis. Forty-five minutes after taking it, you’ll get up and stay up, out of the water. DIRECTRA A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting anew one.CHILDAGRA Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks especially cleaning up spills and “little accidents”. COMPLIMENTRA In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing. BUYAGRA Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store’s return limit. NEGA-VIAGRA Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.NEGA-SPORTAGRA This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.FLYAGRA This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.PRYAGRA About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.
Priest and a Nun
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep.
There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, “Sister, you sleep on the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag.”
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said “Father, I’m cold.” He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket, and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, “Father, I’m still very cold.” He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again.
Just as his eyes closed, she said, “Father, I’m sooooo cold.”
This time, he remained there and said, “Sister, I have an idea. We’re out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let’s pretend we’re married.”
The nun said, “That’s fine by me.”
To which the priest yelled out, “Get up and get your own fucking blanket!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
It may be that your
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
A quote on marriage
Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
What kind of ghost…
What king of ghost sits in a cloth chair?
An upolster-geist.
Jungle
There was once a little boy. Without knowing that his mum was getting dressed, he walked into the room she was doing so. “Whats that?” asked the little boy.”That my dear, is my jungle.” She replied.
Later on that day, he went into the toilet not knowing his gran was taking a shower. “What are they gran?” “They are my lights.”
After tea he went through to the sitting room to see that his dad was masterbating. “What is that?” “That is my snake.”
At night the little boy walked into his mum and dads bedroom, turned the light on and saw his mum and dad having sex. He shouted “quick gran turn your lights on, daddys snake is going into mummys jungle!!!”
wank club
I’m British and so I use the word wank a lot. If you didn’t know
wank means masturbate.
I found out something funny during the film Fight Club.
In the scene when Brad Pitt is explaining the rules change the
word fight for wank. Try this the next time you watch the film.
One of the best line is “when someone goes limp, taps out the
wank is over…”