A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates.
�Fifty dollars for three questions, � replied the lawyer.
�Isn’t that awfully steep?� asked the man.
�Yes,� the lawyer replied, �and what was your third question?�
Author: admin
Turtle Crossing
Why did the turtle Cross the road? To get to the ”Shell” station!
New Bathroom Scales
The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced at the trade fair.”Listen to these features: it’s calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that’s not all…””Very impressive,” interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, “but before I place an order I’ll have to try it out.” “Be my guest,” said the manufacturer graciously.No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth: “One at a time, please, one at a time!”
MEGA MORON AWARDS
MEGA MORON AWARDS Ann Arbor:The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Yo mommas teeth
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow I cant believe its not butter
You Might Be a Politician
“You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.”
How Many Times Can You Get Married?
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”
“Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.
“How do you know that?”
“Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
The Vacuum Cleaner CEO
The CEO of a Vacuum Cleaner company was impatient with the poor job his salespeople were doing, so one day he decided to do the job himself.
He pulled up to an old house in his Mercedes Benz and knocked on the door. A little old barefoot man wearing overalls answered the knock on the door, only to be confronted by the very well dressed and dignified CEO in a $2,000 navy blue pin-striped business suit, a Hermes silk tie, a starched white shirt with monogrammed cufflinks, $700 shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the well-dressed and impeccably groomed CEO. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Get lost, Mister fancy suit!” said the old man. “I haven’t got any money” and he proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the CEO wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”
The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the CEO emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will personally eat the remainder. I am the CEO! You have my GUARANTEE!”
“I got a better idea” said the old man, “If you don’t clean it all up, I’ll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls. Your nice suit, your tie, your shoes, everything!”
“Fine, sir!” said the CEO confidently. “I’ll give you my clothes!”
“Lemme ask you somethin’, pal…Where are you goin’ when you leave here?”
The CEO answered very confidently: “To a VERY important conference! WHY?”
“Will they let you in if yer barefoot?” said the old man.
“Of course not!” said the CEO.
“How much did you pay for those socks you’v got on?” asked the old man.
“Fifty dollars” said the bewildered CEO.
“I ain’t never worn fifty dollar socks before!” said the old man. “It will be kinda hard for you to wear overalls to work, I guess!” said the old man.
“WHAT?!” said the confused CEO.
“And will you show how me to tie a necktie?” said the old man…
One hour later, the door of the apartment opened, and the CEO carefully looked out. Seeing that no one was around, his foot appeared.
A bare foot.
He stepped out into the hallway – dressed only in overalls and bare feet. His expensive executive suit and tie had vanished, along with his confidence and dignity.
The old man watched him run away to his car with a grin, admiring the expensive pinstriped suit and silk tie he had just acquired. He then sat down and pulled on the CEO’s fifty dollar socks and gleaming shoes.
“Now I gotta see about payin’ that electric bill…”
What do you get when
What do you get when cross a gay Eskimo and a Black?
A snowblower that doesn’t work.
You might be a college student if . . .
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
Vikings
How many Vikings does it take to screw in a light bulb? 11,1 to
screw it in,and 10 to talk about how good the wish they were.