From The Simpsons in April of 1993:[Bart] Didn’t you think there was something wrong when you were getting checks for doing nothing?[Grandpa] I thought it was because the Democrats were back in power.
Author: admin
WIFE
A few people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, “My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.”
Another guy says, “What’s that?” The first guy says, “That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.”
Another one says, “My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.
A girl asks, “What’s that?”
He says, “That means I am a Double Income, No Kids.”
A lady says, “That’s nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE.”
Larry says, “A wife? What’s a wife?”
She says, “That means, ‘Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”
Donations for Dee De
Did you hear that Disney is going to make a movie about Dee Dee Corodini? Yup, it will be called ‘101 Donations.’
Watch Out!
A boy and his mother were in a line behind a fat lady. Suddenly the fat
lady’s beeper went off. “Look out, Mommy!” he said, “She’s backing up!”
Hot Mama
An old hearing impaired gentleman visited his doctor and he had been warned to be careful as he had a heart murmur.The doctor was therefore most surprised to see the old fellow out on the town, whooping it up. He got his attention and took him aside. “Don’t you remember what I told you the other day?” he inquired.”Oh, I surely do.” the old gent replied, “Best dang advice I ever had. I did just as you said. I got me a hot mama and I’m cheerful
Literary couch potato
Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it.
Joanne
There once was a young girl called Joanne who was very pretty indeed and everybody liked her but one day she met a horrid boy called “Little Shlong” so now everybody thinks she is dislexic.
Stupid bamboooooo
why does a bamboo does?
ans:it helps the monkey change to a baboon
from:kumar in singapore
18 Things Not To Say
18 things not to say to your pregnant wife.1. I finished the Oreo’s.2. Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs 40 pounds.3. Y’know, to look at her, you’d never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!4. I hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!5. Darned if you aren’t five pounds away from a surprise visit from Richard Simmons.6. Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that’s gotta hurt.7. Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!8. I’m so jealous! Why can’t men experience the joy of childbirth?9. Are your ankles supposed to look like that?10. Get your *own* ice cream.11. Geez, you look awfully puffy today.12. Got milk?13. Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Theresa?14. Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!15. Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water…16. Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your butt!17. Well, can’t they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!18. You don’t have the guts to pull that trigger…
Discovery
Attorney General: Would the Court like me to put a very brief statement on the
record about the discovery that was made today?
Judge: No.
Defense Attorney: No
Judge (to reporter): Would you like him to do that, Cathy?
Reporter: No.
Medical Charts
* Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. * The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. * The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. * Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. * Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. * The patient refused autopsy. * The patient has no previous history of suicides. * Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. * Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days. * Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. * Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. * Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up.* She is numb from her toes down.* While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.* The skin was moist and dry. * Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. * Patient was alert and unresponsive. * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. * Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid. * I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. * Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. * Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized. * The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. * The patient was to have a bowel resection. * However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. * Skin: somewhat pale but present. * The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. * Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. * Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. * She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.* Patient was found in bed with her power mower.
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!