*Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to show that they’re “hip” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for (“You don’t know? RDFM”).*WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON’T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW THAT YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!!!!!!!*When replying to your mail, correct everyone’s grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don’t otherwise respond to the content of their messages. When they respond testily to your ‘creative criticism,” do it again. Continue until they go away.*Software and files offered on-line are often “compressed” so that it won’t take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word E-mail responses like “Thanks.”*Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like “SexyHouseWives,” then see how many people download them. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-on. Take bets and calculate odds on the results of each upload’s popularity.*cc: all your E-mail to ([email protected] ) so that he can keep track of what’s happening on the information Superhighway Internet.*Join a discussion group, and tie whatever’s being discussed back to an unrelated central theme of your own. For instance, if you’re in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct all other members to ignore you.
Author: admin
Mama..i love u
MAMA…I LOVE U!!!
The chickens
3. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
2. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:Because there was a walk sign
1. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Why do I care?
Cruel revenge (mean joke)
A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to……to….cut it off are you?!”The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire.”
Your mammas
your mammmas so fat she saw a pool and thoughtit was a bath
Frog Available
A lady was walking down the street when a small sign in the window of a shop caught her eye. She stopped, turned back and read the sign which said, “Clitoris licking frog available”.
Checking to see that no one on the street was observing her, she hurriedly entered the shop, closing the door quickly behind her.
Inside there was a counter but no sign of activity or human presence. On the counter there was a bell with a sign on top saying : -“Please ring for service”
The lady gave the bell a push. It rang but nothing happened. She hit the bell again and after a few minutes she heard a shuffling, slurping sort of sound and eventually a man emerged from a door behind the counter. “Bonjour madame”
Clinton Q -n A’s!
Q: What’s the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.
Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton?
A: The President after Bush.
Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.
Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
A: “Don’t hit your head on the desk.”
Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President’s day?
A: All pants half off.
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?
A: They both blew the big one several times.
Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?
A: The Executive Branch.
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common?
A: They both have slots which say “Insert Bill” here.”
Maori
how to get a maori in a bath?put five cents in how do you get a maori out of the bath put soap in.
Nursing Home
I passed by the nursing home & there were six old ladies lying naked in the front grass.
I thought this was a little peculiar, but continued on my way because it’s a long walk & I wanted to get it over with before it got truly hot again today.
On my way back, the ladies were still lying in the yard & to quench my curiosity, I went inside & asked to speak to the director of the facility.
When I asked him if he knew there were 6 naked old ladies lying on his front lawn, he replied, “Yes I know”.
“They’re retired prostitutes & they’re having a yard sale!”
Editted by Calamjo
A blonde on death row
there is a blonde a brunette and a red head on death row waiting to be exucuted,
the executioner asks for the brunette if she has any last requests she shouts”earthquake”” so they all ran and she got away.
the executioner asks if the brunette has any last requests she shout “”tornadoe”” they all ran and she got away.
The blonde saw a pattern of what they were doing so the executioner asks if the blonde has any last requests and she shouts “”fire!””
“
Your mamma is so stupid…
Your mamma is so stupid she got locked in a toilet and shat herself!
Bait
A man loses his wife in a freak scuba-diving accident and police aren�t able to recover the body.
The next day, he gets a knock at the door and is greeted by two solemn police officers. �Sorry to bother you, sir,� one says. �But we have some information about your wife.�
�Well, tell me!� the man cries.
The policeman says, �We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?�
The man chooses the bad first, so the policeman explains, �I�m sorry to tell you, but we found your wife�s body this morning at the bottom of the bay.�
�Oh, my God,� the man cries, but then remembers what the policeman had said. �So what�s the good news?�
�Well,� says the policeman, �when we pulled her up, she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good sized Dungeness crabs on her.�
�If that�s the good news, what�s the great news?� the man demands.
The policeman explains, �We�re going to pull her up again tomorrow!�
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman