Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons? Because they have blond boyfriends
Author: admin
Men and Pigs
What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
Snappy comebacks for pickup lines
I know how to please a woman.Then please leave me alone.I want to give myself to you.Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.Your hair color is fabulous.Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.You look like a dream.Go back to sleep.I can tell that you want me.Yes, I want you to leave.Hey, baby, what’s your sign?Do not enter.I’d go through anything for you.Let’s start with your bank account.May I have the last dance?You’ve just had it.Your place or mine?Both. You go to your place, and I’ll go to mine.Your body is like a temple.Sorry, there are no services today.Is this seat empty?Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?What’s it like being the biggest liar in the world?Haven’t I seen you someplace before?Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Satan Vs Jesus
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.Finally God said, “Pipe down now, Satan. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every bad word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.”Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”
You might be a Redneck if..
You might be a redneck if your house is mobile and the six cars in your front
yard are not.
Glass Eye
A man who lived in a block of flats thought it was raining and
put his hand out of the window to check. As he did so a glass
eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from
in time to see a girl looking down. “Is this yours?” he asked.
She said, “Yes, could you bring it up?” and the man agreed. On
arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a
drink.
As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she
said, “I’m about to have dinner. There’s plenty; would you like
to join me?” He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a
lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the girl
said, “I have had a marvelous evening, would you like to stay
the night?” The man hesitated then said, “Do you act like this
with every man you meet?” “No,” she replied, “Only those who
catch my eye!”
Ransom Letter
A yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at ten o?clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again.
He didn?t arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, ?What the hell took you so long? You?re more than two hours late.?
?Hey, give me a break!? whined the yuppie. ?I?m a 27 handicap.?
Q. What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
Q. What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
A. The more you bang them the looser they get.
If Ever You're C
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, “You’re right,that ‘hind-lick’ maneuver works like a charm.”
Wrong way runway
There was two irish men in a plane and they were going to land ” come in roger we are ready for land over” and the first irish man said ” hey fred its a bit short runway aint it?” The second man said “yeah jim but its bloomin wide to”
Richest Person In Mexico
How do you start a Mosh Pit in Mexico?
Throw A Penny.
Who’s the richest person in Mexico?
The person who get’s the penny.
Llega un tipo triste a
Llega un tipo triste a un bar y pide un vaso de leche. El cantinero se le queda viendo y le dice:
“Yo creo que lo que Ud. necesita no es un vaso de leche, sino un buen trago”.
El parroquiano aclara:
“La verdad, no puedo tomar porque cuando tomo yo �reparto culo!”
Se hizo un silencio general en todo el bar… Instantes despu�s, al tipo le empiezan a llover tragos y m�s tragos. Nuestro amigo sigue insistiendo que no puede beber porque comienza a repartir culo. Al cabo de 2 horas y unos buenos tragos encima, el tipo se levanta y anuncia:
“�Ha llegado la hora de repartir culo!”
Comienza a escucharse un murmullo que va en aumento en todo el bar, y los clientes no caben en s� de la emoci�n. El tipo saca dos pistolas calibre 45 y se�alando a los que est�n en la barra comienza:
“Ahora s�, t� le das el culo a �l; t� le las el culo a aquel y t� le das el culo a �se…”