“You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.”
Author: admin
Why Isn’t there mouse-flavored cat
Why Isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food? Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Skin graft
A young married woman was once in a terrible accident, and though her life was not in danger, the skin of her face was severely burned.
The doctor told her husband that they would have to do a skin graft, but they could not graft any skin from her own body because she was too thin and her skin was dry.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed to the graft, and that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, and the woman healed, everyone was astounded at her beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before with her lovely, soft skin.
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her new youthful beauty! One night, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, �Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.�
�My darling,� he replied, �I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!�
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Calamjo, Curtis and Tantilazing
Just Keep Drinking!
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, �Quick pour me
twelve drinks�.
So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back
really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, �Boy you are
drinking those drinks really fast�.
The guys says, �Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what
I’ve got.�
The bartender says, �What’ve you got?�
The guy says, �75 cents�.
Math is sexy.
What is the square root of 69?
Ate something.
El hada madrina le dice
El hada madrina le dice a Cenicienta:
“No te olvides Ceny que apenas el reloj del palacio marque las 12 de la noche, t� tienes que salir de ah�, o en caso contrario tu vagina se volvera PAPAYA.”
“S�, madrina, as� lo har�.”
En la hora de cena y en el momento de los postres, al pr�ncipe le traen una tremenda papaya al jugo, y comienza a comerla con mucho entusiasmo y placer.
al ver esto, Cenicienta pregunta, “�Te gusta la papaya, principito?”
“Oh s�. No sabes cuanto me gusta chupar este fruto, es lo que m�s me gusta. Estaria horas enteras chupando y saboreando esta rica fruta. A prop�sito a qu� hora me dijiste que
te ten�as que ir a casa.”
A lo que Cenicienta respondi�:
“�Como a la una… una y media… mi amor!
Crabs
yo mama is so nasty she got kicked out of red lobster for bringin her own crabs!!!!!!!
A quote on marriage
May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.
I’m OK
An Amish man named Samuel was injured when a car at an intersection struck
him and his horse. Samuel sued the driver of the car. In court, he was
cross-examined by the driver’s lawyer:
Lawyer: Samuel, you’ve told us all about your injuries. However, according
to the accident report, you told the investigating officer at the scene that you
weren’t injured at all, isn’t that true?”
Samuel: Well … let me explain.
Lawyer: Go right ahead (thinking he now had the plaintiff on the ropes).
Please tell the jury.
Samuel: When the officer arrived at the scene, he first looked upon my
fallen horse. Finding him injured, the officer said to me, “Looks like he has a
broken leg,” and then he took out his weapon and shot my horse dead. The officer
next looked upon me and asked how I was doing. Suffering from the same injury as
my horse, I of course immediately replied, “I’m OK!”
Biologists do it for a living….
Biologists do it for a living.
Fake friendship
Bush and saddam are both driving towards each other on a motorway when they
crash bush gets out of his car and has not hurt then saddam gets out of his car
and he�s not hurt bush walks over to saddams car and says look were both un
injured saddam says yer lets be friends and not fight no more so bush agrees and
then saddams side door on his car swings open and lying on the seat is a bottle
of brandy saddam says lets celebrate with this brandy he opens it and bush takes
a swig then another then hands it to saddam and says here have a swig saddam
replies now I think ill wait for the cops.
Yo mommas teeth
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow I cant believe its not butter