Author: admin

Young Football Fan

Posted on by admin

Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a
crazed dog. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board from a nearby
fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, shutting off the dog’s
breathing.

A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview
the boy. Noting the boys had been playing football, he starts writing in his
notebook, “Forty Niners fan saves friend from vicious animal.”

“But I’m not a Niners fan,” the boy replies.

“Oakland Raiders fan rescues friend from horrific attack,” the reporter starts
again.

“I’m not a Raiders fan either,” the boy says.

“Then what are you?” the reporter asks.

“I’m a Cowboys fan!!!”

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, “Little redneck
kills family pet.”

Acute

Posted on by admin

An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home.

They undressed and were about to screw, when the woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.

“I should tell you, I have acute angina.” she said.

The man replied, “That’s good because you have the ugliest breasts I have ever seen!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

2 Kids At The River

Posted on by admin

There was these two kids down at the river making a fort.
The one kid said to the other i have to go to the bathroom so he
went to the bushes be side the river.
The other kid waited for him 2 minutes passed 3 4 5 then the kid
said ive had it and walked over there and said whats wrong the
kid going to the bathroom said look its a naked women in the
river. Then the other kid just started to Run. The kid that was
peeing chased him and said whats wrong the other kid says “my
mom said that if i saw a naked ladie i would turn to stone and i
felt somthing getting hard so i ran”

Q: How many presidential

Posted on by admin

Q: How many presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?A: 220! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates can’t even spell “lightbulbe”, eighteen to find out what the other candidates did when the lightbulb failed, and another two hundred to find out what the other candidate’s families think about lightbulbs, bulbs, pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy.

Mercy Hospital

Posted on by admin

Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital, and taken quickly in for heart surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Nun, who was waiting by his bed.

“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?” “No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.

“Then can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun. “I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun questioned sternly. “Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.” “Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters – they are married to God!”

“Really?,” said Mr. Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law!”

Prick in his hand

Posted on by admin

One day Little Johnny came home with a prick on his finger.
“Mommy, can I have a glass of cider for the prick on my hand?”
His mom offered to take it out with the tweezers. “No, I’d
rather have some cider.” he said. His mom gave him the glass of
cider and Little Johnny took it to his room.

She was curious to know what he was going to do with it. So she
peered into the room and, to her surprise, saw him dipping his
finger in the cider. “What are you doing young man?!” she asked.
“Yesterday I heard sis on the phone and she said that whenever
she has a prick in her hand she can’t wait to get it in cider
(inside her)!”