“I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me
in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose:
you disarm, or we will.” �George W. Bush, speaking about Saddam Hussein,
Manchester, N.H.
Author: admin
What is “it”?
Arnold Schwartzinagor has a long oneMichael J. Fox has a short oneMadonna doesn’t have one andBill Clinton uses his a lot What is “it”?A last name!Now what were you thinking?
Scoring with a friend
A couple has a male friend who’s visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling. Since the couple has no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning.”Nonsense,” says the wife. “Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we’re all friends here.” The husband concurs, and before long they’re settled in: husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife sneaks over to the friend’s side of the bed, and invites him to have sex with her. Naturally, he’d like to, but he’s reluctant. “We’re in the same bed with your husband! He’ll wake up, and he’ll kill me.””Don’t worry about it,” she says, “he’s such a sound sleeper, he’ll never notice. If you don’t believe me, just yank a hair off of his ass. He won’t even wake up.”So the friend yanks a hair off the husband’s butt, and sure enough, she’s right. Her husband sleeps right through having a hair yanked out of his ass. So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed.After about twenty minutes, though, she’s back on his side of the bed, asking him to do it again. The same argument follows, another hair is yanked from the husband’s rear end, and again they have sex.This keeps up for about half the night, until after about the sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side.Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, “I don’t mind that you’re shagging my wife, but do you really have to use my ass as your scoreboard?”
So what is your name?
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only — Smith, Jones, Baker — that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.
Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”
Why do women like cats?
I’ve never understood why women love cats.Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches…
A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches Heaven. At the proverbial
gate, St. Peter meets him and explains that God would like the director
to make one more movie.
The director grimaces, ” But I retired years before I died. I’m tired
of all the hassles involved in making movies.”
“Listen,” St. Peter explains, ” we got Ludwig von Beethoven to write a
new score for the movie.”
“You’re not listening to me,” the director protested. “I don’t want to
make any more movies.”
“But we got Leonardo da Vinci to do the set design for you,” St. Peter
exclaimed.
“I don’t want to make any more movies!” the director insisted.
“Now look at this script,” St Peter said. ” We got William Shakespeare
to write it for you.”
“Well,” said the director ” a score by Beethoven, set design by da Vinci,
a script by Shakespeare …… How can I go wrong? I’ll do it!”
“Great!” exclaimed St. Peter. ” There’s only one small hitch….
God’s got a girlfriend who sings…………………………….”
Insults 7
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
Some folks are so dumb, they have to be watered twice a week.
Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
Some people don’t hesitate to speak their minds because they have
nothing to lose.
Somebody else is doing the driving for that boy!
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Fun Things to Do to Telemarketers
* Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets
static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can’t hear
them over the static.
* Make up your own language. Speak it.
* Say, “This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have
an emergency?”
* Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a
meatball sub.
* Dial the phone and say, “Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better
pay up or else I’m gonna come over there and hurt you! “
* Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn’t ringing.
* Say, “Moe’s tavern Moe speaking.”
* Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper
subscription.
* Communicate only through Morse code.
* Try to sell the telemarketer something.
* Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a
strong scent of bacon over the phone.
* Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like,
“They’ll never catch me again,” “No! Not the jacket! No, no,
no!” After saying one of these mutter incoherently.
* Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won’t buy
because you couldn’t see him/her dance.
* Make him/her sing to get a sale.
* Pretend to be really interested. Then say, “No.”
* Engage him/her in an “intellectual” conversation on an
extremely boring subject.
* Say nothing until he/she hangs up.
* Say, “I told you. I don’t know where your dog is!” Then hang
up.
* After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone
number. Call the telemarketer.
* Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that
you need some time to think, and that you’ll get back to them.
It may very well bring about immortality,…
It may very well bring about immortality,
but it will take forever to test it.
Pap smear
Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? Because women wouldn’t do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
How dumb
how do u confuse a blonde ……………………………
11
Marry me
how do you get a blonde to marry you
answer=tell her that she is pergnanet