Author: admin

One day a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

“Eighty dollars,” the dentist says.

“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says.

“Isn’t there a cheaper way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anesthetic, I can knock it down to $60.”

“That’s still too expensive,” the man says.

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $20.”

“Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.”

“Hmm,” says the dentist, scratching his head. “If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I coeld charge you just $10.”

“Marvelous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”

16> “Sure you’ll get your figure back — we’ll just search 1985 where you left it.”

15> “Keys are on the fridge, honey. I’ll see you at the hospital at half-time.”

14> “Sure, the doctor said you’re eating for two – but he didn’t mean two orcas.”

13> “Honey — Come show the guys your Brando impression!”

12> “Roseanne, what have you done with my wife?!”

11> “How come you’re so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?”

10> “Sweetheart, where’d you put that Victoria’s Secret catalog?”

9> “What’s the big deal? If you can handle *me* going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out.”

8> “Hey, when you’re finished pukin’ in there, get me a beer, willya?”

7> “Why in the *world* would I want to rub your feet?”

6> “That’s not a bun in the oven — it’s the whole friggin’ bakery!”

5> “You know, now that you mention it, you *are* getting fat and unattractive.”

4> “Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support.”

3> “Yo, Fatass! You’re blocking the TV!”

2> “No, I don’t know where the remote is! Have you looked under your breasts?”

1> “I know today’s your due date, but Larry just got a 10-point buck and that’s a reason to celebrate, too.”

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]

15 Spouse using your toothbrush to scrub tile grout.

14 Candlelight dinners now illuminated by sticks of dynamite.

13 Spouse has gone from moaning while making love to moaning ABOUT making love.

12 The only thigh you see on your anniversary is at KFC.

11 Being funny via e-mail to 7,000 strangers is now your main source of sexual gratification.

10 Morning breath no longer gives you that same thrill.

9. Husband’s casual suggestions to “try swinging” are growing alarmingly frequent.

8. Your husband wants to adopt — a 17 year-old waitress from TGI Fridays.

7. A romantic Saturday night at home now includes Dr.Quinn, Medicine Woman.

6 Wife keeping list of things she’ll do after you’re finally dead.

5 “Darling I’m home” now followed by, “Could you be more specific?”

4 Request for sex now gets you $100 and a map of the city.

3 Wife constantly asks, “Why can’t you be more like Squiffy?”

2 Quick review of your phone bill reveals hundreds of late night phone calls to Buckingham palace.

1 Every morning is the same: Wake up, have your coffee, go retrieve your penis from the front garden.