Q: Why do liberals travel in threes?A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
Author: admin
Paez le tenia rabia a
Paez le tenia rabia a Bol�var porque siempre lo persegu�an las mujeres y a �l no. Un d�a le pregunta:
“Bol�var, �c�mo hace usted para tener tantas mujeres?”
“Mire, ah� viene una dama, d�jeme darle un ejemplo”.
Bol�var va donde la dama:
“Me gustar�a ser su perfume para embriagarme todo el d�a”.
La dama le sonr�e y se va, no sin antes darle un buen beso. Paez ve que viene otra dama y decide intentarlo:
“Me gustar�a ser su sombrilla”.
“�Y para qu�?”, le responde la mujer.
“Pa’ que me agarre po’ el palo todo el d�a”.
Thanksgiving
A boy goes into the kitchen on Thanksgiving where his mom is cutting a turkey, she cuts herself and says fuck! The boy sayes whats fuck. She says its a nother word for cutting the turkey.He says OK and goes upstairs where his dad is shaving. The dad cuts himself and says shit. The boy says whats shit. The dad says its a type of shaving cream. He says OK and leavs and goes in the living room where his brother is playing video games. He messes up and says bitch, basterd. the boy says whats bitch and basterd and his brother sayes its a name for your aunt and uncle. Just then the doorbell rings and the boy answers it and its his aunt and uncle. He says hi bitch, hi basters. The aunt says where are your parents and the boy sayes dads upstairs shaving with shit and mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
Ms. Piggy
Q: Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
A: Cruz every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
Man slamming list of lists!
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don’t have testicles.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
Why don’t men eat more M&M’s?
They’re too hard to peel.
What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
Gifted.
What’s a man’s idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He’s breathing.
What do men and bottles of beer have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares!!!!
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men will screw anything!
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don’t know – it’s never happened.
Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Because they’re stupid.
How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children.
What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he’s planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift?
Exchange him.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half time.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Guy talking to a horse
This guy walks into a bar and he sees this sign saying 100 dollars to make this horse laugh. So he goes up to bar tender and says i can make that horse laugh and he goes give it a shot. So the guy goes up and wispers something in the horses ear and the horse starts laughing. 2 week later the guy goes back in the bar and now theres a sign 250 dollars to make this horse cry. so he goes up to the bar tender and he said i can make this horse cry. so the guy asked aren’t you the one who made the horse laugh. The guy says yeah. So he goes can i take the horse outside so he says ya. so when the horse comes back in the horse is crying so he the guy got his 250 dollars. So the Bar tender said would you mind telling me how you made the horse laugh. he said for one thing i said i had a bigger dick than him. the bar tender said how did you make him cry he said i showed him.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Theresa!Theresa who?Theresa fly
Knock KnockWho’s there?Theresa!Theresa who?Theresa fly in my soup!
Female Brain Cell
Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man’s head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.
“Hello?” she cried… but no answer.
“Is there anyone here?”
She cried a little louder, but still no answer….
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: “HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?”
Then she heard a voice from far, far away …
“Hello – we’re all down here….”
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.87. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, “You shouldn’t have done that to me.”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cecile!Cecile who?Cecile this
Knock KnockWho’s there?Cecile!Cecile who?Cecile this envelope!
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What is Hillary’s favorite holiday?A: Summer Solstice.
One day a man grows sick of his alcohol problem…
One day a man grows sick of his alcohol problem and how it has really messed up his life so he gets an appointment with an Alcoholics Anonymous therapy group. He stands up in the group and says “my name is Rob and I’m an alcoholic… I decided to curb my problem when I woke up in a motel with a real dog after drinking about 20 beers.” The next guy pipes up, “Oh that’s nothing I slept with my cousin because of my drinking” Rob continues despite the interruption, “and the worst part was when I rolled over and saw the sheep”