May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.
Author: admin
Cab Ride
One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the
shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a
stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.
Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see
a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.
“Where to?” he stammered.
“Union Station,” answered the woman.
“You got it,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.
The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are
you looking at, driver?”
“Well ma’am, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”
The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at
the driver and said, “Does *THIS* answer your question?”
Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller?”
Sleeping Bag
Q: What do you call two gays in a sleeping bag?
A: A Fruit Roll Up
You Might Be a Politician
“You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.”
Biologists do it for a living….
Biologists do it for a living.
Three Ducks
A man walks into a bar carrying three ducks under his arms. The
bartender has learned not to question people when they bring
animals into the bar. So the man sits down and starts to drink.
After a while the man gets up and walks to the bathroom. When
the man leaves the bartender looks at the ducks and starts to
talk to them.
“So what are your names?”
The first duck responds, “My name is Hewi.”
So then the bartender goes, “And how was your day?”
The first ducks says, “Great! I was in and out of puddles all
day long.”
So the bartender goes to the second duck and asks, “What’s your
name?”
The second duck says, “My name is Dewi.”
Again the bartender asks, “And how was your day?”
The duck responds, “Great! I was in and out of puddles all day.”
So the bartender goes to the third duck and goes, “Your name
must be Loui then.”
“No,” replies the duck. “I’m Puddles and don’t ask about my
fucking day.”
I’m OK
An Amish man named Samuel was injured when a car at an intersection struck
him and his horse. Samuel sued the driver of the car. In court, he was
cross-examined by the driver’s lawyer:
Lawyer: Samuel, you’ve told us all about your injuries. However, according
to the accident report, you told the investigating officer at the scene that you
weren’t injured at all, isn’t that true?”
Samuel: Well … let me explain.
Lawyer: Go right ahead (thinking he now had the plaintiff on the ropes).
Please tell the jury.
Samuel: When the officer arrived at the scene, he first looked upon my
fallen horse. Finding him injured, the officer said to me, “Looks like he has a
broken leg,” and then he took out his weapon and shot my horse dead. The officer
next looked upon me and asked how I was doing. Suffering from the same injury as
my horse, I of course immediately replied, “I’m OK!”
How Many Times Can You Get Married?
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”
“Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.
“How do you know that?”
“Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.
The Break-in!
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no, no!” said the man.
“I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
Just Keep Drinking!
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, �Quick pour me
twelve drinks�.
So the bartender pours him twelve shots and the guy starts shooting them back
really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, �Boy you are
drinking those drinks really fast�.
The guys says, �Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what
I’ve got.�
The bartender says, �What’ve you got?�
The guy says, �75 cents�.
Yo mommas teeth
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow I cant believe its not butter
Snapple
Bill Gates to his broker:
“You bought a $150 million of WHAT?!?!? I said SNAPPLE!!!!”