if you want to kiss your hunny but her nose is runny you may think it’s funny but it’s snot!
Author: admin
Books
What did the Science book say to the math book?
You gotta lotta problems
2 prostitutes
there was two prostitutes sat on a wall. One says to the other: “i can smell cock” To which the other replies: “oh sorry, i just burped”
Tits and boobs
A Girl was in her bed when she hears TITS AND BOOBS! TITS AND BOOBS! so she gets scared and runs into her parents room and asked to sleep with them.
Then she asked what tits and boobs are.
Her mom replys, “coats and hats dear.”
The next day they are having company over and her farther is in the bathroom shaving. He cuts himself and yells, “SHIT!!!”
The girl asked “what does that mean?” and he replys, “shaving cream dear.”
Her mother is downstairs cooking a turkey. She burns the turkey and yells, “FUCK!!!”
The girl asks her, “what does that mean?” and she says “cutting the turkey dear.”
Then the guests arrive and the girl goes and answers the door and says, “Hi my parents are busy rite now. You can put your tits and boobs on the coat hanger. My dads putting shit on his face and my moms fucking the turkey.”
Sex with teacher
A young boy comes home from school & his mother says “What did you do today?”To which the boy answers “oh the usual, I had a math test, I got an A in Spelling and I had sex with my English teacher.”The mother , aghast, doesn’t know that to say. She stems & stammers and finally, angrily, she says “go in & tell your father what you just told me!”The boy goes into see his father & says “gee, mom sure is mad.” The father says “why?””I just told her what I did in school today. I had a math test, I got an A in Spelling and I had sex with my english teacher.”Well the father is beside himself with joy. He gives his son a nudge and a wink and says “congratulations — you passed a milestone. I tell you what –let’s go out and celebrate. We’ll have some ice cream and then I’ll buy you a new bike.”To which the boy says –“the ice cream sounds great Dad, but let’s hold off on the bike a few days — my ass is killing me.”
Southern Party with Navy Officers
A US Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week’s
shore leave. The first evening, the Captain was more than a
little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife
of a wealthy plantation owner:
“Dear Captain,
Thursday will be my daughter, Melinda’s, coming of age party. I
would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried
officers.
They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite
southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One
last point: No Mexicans. We don’t like Mexicans.”
Sure enough, at 8:00 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the
door which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four
exquisitely mannered, smiling BLACK officers. Her jaw hit the
floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, “There must
be some mistake!”
“Madam,” said the first officer, “Captain Martinez doesn’t make
mistakes!”
A las mujeres con 8
A las mujeres con 8 a�os, las metes en la cama y les cuentas un cuento.
Con 18, les cuentas un cuento y las metes en la cama.
Con 28 son un cuento en la cama.
Y con 38 te dicen: d�jate de cuentos y vamos a la cama.
When you are in it
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
General Nuisance
As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a
5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter
what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy
continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air
Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the
flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken
General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the
boy’s ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and quietly
fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin
attendants touches his sleeve. “Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but
could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s
wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to
throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.”
Osma Bn Laden, Uncle Sam and the Canadian
Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out
walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie
pops out of it.
“I will give each of you each one wish. That’s three wishes
total,” says the genie.
The Canadian says, “I’m a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my
son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in
Canada.”
With a blink of the genie’s eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was
forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around
Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come
into our precious state.”
Again, with a blink of the genie’s eye, *POOF* there was a huge
wall around Afghanistan.
“Uncle Sam” (A former civil engineer), asks, “I’m very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall.”
The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet
thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in
or out – it’s virtually impenetrable.”
Uncle Sam says, “Fill it with water.”
Heart Attack
A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises
coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife
naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says.
“I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes
downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his
4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s
hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!” The guy slams
the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his
screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough,
there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet
floor. “You bastard!” says the husband, “My wife’s having a
heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”
Grocery Store
Did you hear about the blonde got locked into a grocery store for a month and starved to death?