Accountant in Heaven

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is
amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.

After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, “I’m sorry I
wasn’t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a
remarkable man as yourself.”

The accountant is perplexed. “I’ve tried to lead a good life, but I am
overwhelmed by your welcome,” he tells St. Peter.

“It’s the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living
to the age of 123 and still looking so young,” says St. Peter.

The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, “123 years old? I don’t know
what you mean. I’m only 40.”

St. Peter replies, “But that can’t be right – we’ve seen your time sheets!”

Knock Knock 135

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Noah!
Noah who?
Noah don’t know who you are either!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Norma!
Norma who?
Norma’lly I have my key!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Norma Lee!
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee don’t go round knocking on doors!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Norway!
Norway who?
Norway will I leave till you open this door!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Nuisance!
Nuisance who?
What’s nuisance since yesterday!

Canadian Complaints about Americans

Editor’s Note: naturally we don’t have enough room to catalog all of them, but here’s the top ten.—————-10. Won’t acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Jim Carrey and Howie Mandel.9. We’re pretty sure they’re holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.8. Every time we mention the city “Regina”, they won’t stop giggling.7. Incredibly, they only have one word for “snow”.6. In American encyclopedias, Canada often called “North Dakota’s gay neighbor”.5. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Gordon Lightfoot.4. They’ve never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan.3. Two words: “Weird Al”.2. Sick of that gap-toothed looser on “The Late Show with Paul Shaffer”.1. Not enough guys named “Gordie”.

The little puppy

One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.

He fell asleep,and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off his tail,he look around to see what happen and the train cut off his head——

Do you know what the moral of the story is?

Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail !!

Perfect wedding night

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even
each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. “Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my
marriage.”

His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?”

“Oh yes, very much,” he said, “but you see, I have very smelly feet and I’m afraid that my fianc�e will be put off by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed.” Well, to him this seemed a workable
solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.” Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful.”

“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.”

“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fianc�e will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed and head for the kitchen to make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the
bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.

“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

“Well, it’s certainly worth a try,” she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed
quite well. That is, until about six months later.

Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the
bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”