Author: admin

Clinton and Saddam

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Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!” A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge. They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.”Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”Clinton says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

Get out of it

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A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone.

Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.

Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!

“Quick, darling,” the wife shouts frantically, “Do something!”

“Oh, no,” the husband says, “That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Well Done!

Posted on by admin

A man’s house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands.

He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside.
Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her ouside.
Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat.

Then he goes back in “3 more times” without bringing out anybody or anything.

So a bystander is curious and asks him, “Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?”

The man replies, “I’m turning over my mother in law.”

My Dog’s Name?

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Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog’s name was Mypenis?

  • Mypenis ate my homework.
  • Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!
  • Sorry I’m late. I was playing with Mypenis.
  • I’m sorry, Officer. I didn’t realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.
  • Mypenis doesn’t come when I call it.
  • Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
  • I love giving Mypenis a bath.
  • At night, I sleep with Mypenis in my hands.
  • Mypenis likes it when people pet him.
  • Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.
  • Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.
  • Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?
  • Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active.
  • I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.
  • I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.
  • Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.
  • I think Mypenis is getting old because he won’t get excited anymore. He just plays dead.
  • Mypenis got out last night. I think he’s sleeping with the lady next door.
  • If Mypenis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.
  • Mypenis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.
  • Help! I can’t find Mypenis!
  • Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.
  • Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.
  • Sorry to be driving so fast, officer I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.
  • Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!
  • Watch it or you’ll step on Mypenis.
  • When Mypenis behaves well, he gets a bone.
  • Stop kicking Mypenis.
  • When riding in the car, Mypenis enjoys sticking his head out to be blown.
  • Mypenis is truly man’s best friend.
  • Beware of Mypenis. He’s carrying a disease.
  • People say Mypenis looks cute lying down, but even better when standing at attention.
  • Mypenis: the crotchsniffer.
  • There’s nothing like a welltrained bitch for Mypenis.
  • I’ve tpained Mypenis to jump through hoops.
  • Mypenis always searches for an open hand under the dinner table.
  • Excuse me I need a muzzle for Mypenis.
  • Sorry I’m late, but Mypenis kept me up howling all night…

Virgina Girl

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A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said ‘No Way! You’re going to By-God West Virginia Univ.’

Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said ‘I’ll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond. You’re marrying a By-God West Virginian boy.’

So he sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister. In a couple of days they returned. Dad said ‘Where is your sister?’

They replied ‘We were almost there Daddy, and we came up on this overpass that had this sign that read – ‘Clarence 13’6″ – so we turned around and got the hell out of there!’