Author: admin

A married woman is having an affair. meanwhile her young son hides in the
closet. one day she hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet
as well.
inside the closet, the little boy says, “its dark in here, isn’t it?”
“yes it is,” the man replies.
“you wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks.
“no thanks,” the man replies.
“i think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues.
“ok. how much?” the man replies after considering the position he is in.
“twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies.
“twenty-five dollars?!” the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect
his hidden position.
the following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car
in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
“it’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off.
“yes it is,” replies the man.
“wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks.
“ok. how much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
“fifty dollars,” the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
the next weekend, the little boy’s father says “hey, son. go get your ball and
glove and we’ll play some catch.”
“i can’t. i sold them,” replies the little boy.
“how much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit
in terms of lizards and candy?
“seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says.
“seventy-five dollars?! that’s thievery! i’m taking you to the church right
now. you must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness”, the father explains as
he hauls the child away.
at the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain,
sits down, and says “its dark in here isn’t it?”
“don’t you start that s*** in here,” the priest says.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. “I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most
of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite
your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we
did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves
instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this.
We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American
corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job
applicants. The lowlights:

1. “… stretched out on the floor to fill out the job
application.”

2. “She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the
music at the same time.”

3. “A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to
office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.”

4. “… asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the
personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.”

5. “… announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a
hamburger and french fries in the interviewer’s office – wiping
the ketchup on her sleeve”

6. “Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his
loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.”

7. “Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering
specific interview questions.”

8. “When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started
tap dancing around my office.”

9 . “At the end of the interview, while I stood there
dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his
hair, and left.”

10. “… pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash
picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who
interviewed him.”

11. “Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too
much.”

12. “While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant
took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos
only, stopping longest at the centerfold.”

13. “During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the
candidate’s brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized
and said he had to leave for another interview.”

14. “A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from
his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: “‘Which
company? When do I start? What’s the salary?’ I said, ‘I assume
you’re not interested in conducting the interview any further.’
He promptly responded, ‘I am as long as you’ll pay me more.’ I
didn’t hire him, but later found out there was no other job
offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.”

15. “His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the
contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted
makeup and perfume.”

16. “Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the
unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.”

17. “… asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture
on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home
now and wanted my phone number. I called security.”

18. “Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said
that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I
began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going
to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a
switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new
desk.”

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by
Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as
“Bonkistry”. He has been around forever, so I wouldn’t put it past him to come
up with something like this.

Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who
did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such
that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident
going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem
final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some
friends up there.

They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and
everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke until
early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor
Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told
him that they went up to UVA for the weekend, and had planned to come back in
time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a
spare and couldn’t get help for a long time and so were late getting back to
campus.

Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on
the following day. The two guys were elated, relieved and very proud of their
story. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time Bonk had
told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test
booklet and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about morality
and solutions and was worth 5 points. “Cool,” they thought, “this is going to be
easy.” They did that problem and turned the page. They were unprepared, however,
for what they saw on the next page…

WHICH TIRE?

One day, Jimmy is walking home from school. When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the Porch without any pants on!

So he goes up to his grandpa and says “Grandpa, do you realize that you’re not wearing any pants?” His grandpa replies “Yes Jimmy, I do.”

Jimmy then says “Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?”

His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds “Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt to long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma’s idea.”