In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
Author: admin
Simpson’s – Phil Hartman’s Character
Hi I’m Troy McClure, perhaps you remember me from such movies as: “The bitch shot me” or “The jealous whore left my children without parents”
Whatcha Doin’ Daddy?”
Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his girlfriend some.
Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, “Whatcha doin’ daddy?”
Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover-up his dick and starts looking at the floor. “Oh I’m just looking for this big rat I saw.” he says.
Little Johnny says, “Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?”
Blonde Mixup
How do you know when a blondes been having a bad day?
Shes got a tampon behind her ear, and she’s lookin 4 her
pencil.
Santa and the outside toilet
The night before Christmas, a family went to sleep when they were startled awake by an explosion. They went outside and saw the outside toilet in a million pieces – with Santa in the rubble.He was shaking his fist at a sleigh encircling him in the air while he shouted, “You idiots! I said the SCHMIDT house!!”
Well hung
A man was relaxing in his back garden, sitting in the shade, sipping a beer and listening to the radio.
As he chilled out, his wife struggled with a manual mower, pushing it up and down the large lawn, sweating and red-faced.
The man’s next-door neighbor saw the woman battling with the mower and shouted across the fence, “You pathetic excuse for a man! You’re just sitting there sipping your beer while your poor wife cuts the grass. You should be bloody well hung.”
“I am.” the man shouts back. “That’s why she’s doing the grass.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
How does a blonde interpret 6.9?…
How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A 69 interrupted by a period.
Quite frankly
“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teaches our children.”
– Governor George W. Bush
Beer Machismo
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the Presidents of the brewreys decide to go to the pub for a drink. The coors President said “Can I have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors, please.”The bartender gave him the drink.Then the Budweiser President orders, “The King Of Beers — Budweiser.”The bartender proceeds with the order.The Amstel President walks in and orders “The Finest Beer ever.”The bartender gives him an Amstel.Then the Guinness President says, “I’ll have a coke please.”The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the coke to him anyway.All the Presidents looked over at him and said, “Why have you ordered a coke?”He replied, “Well if you all aren’t drinking beer, then neither shall I.”
Blood Tells
The teacher said, “I’ll give $20 to the child who can tell me
who was the most famous man who ever lived.”
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Patrick.” The
teacher said, “Sorry Sean, that’s not correct.”
Then a French boy put his hand up and said, “It was Napoleon.”
The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Pierre, that’s not right
either.”
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus
Christ.” The teacher said, “That’s absolutely right, Daniel,
come up here and I’ll give you the $20.”
As the teacher was giving Daniel his money, she said, “You know
Daniel, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus
Christ.” Daniel replied, “Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses,
but business is business.”
Top 10 Reasons To Study Economics
1. Economists are armed and dangerous: “Watch out for our invisible hands.”
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. You get to say “trickle down” with a straight face.
5. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
6. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
7. If you rearrange the letters in “ECONOMICS”, you get “COMIC NOSE”.
8. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.
9. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.
10. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.
A really filthy version of ‘Twas the night before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neatThe kids were both gone, and my wife was in heatThe doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hookIt was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy, and I in the nudeHad just hit the bedroom and reached for the lubeWhen out on the lawn there arose such a cry,That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf,Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we’d built,Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.Sure as I’m speaking, he was as high as a kite.And he yelled to his team, but it didn’t sound right.Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,Either slow down this rig or I’ll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don’t hit the tree,Quit shaking the sleigh, ’cause I gotta go pee.They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.”That was some brothel,” he said with a smile,”The reindeer are pooped, and I’ll just stay here awhile.He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,But his toys were all gone, and some new things werepacked.The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.A box filled with condoms was Santa’s next find,And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.A bra without nipples, a penis extension,And several other things that I shouldn’t even mention.A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.”This stuff ain’t for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,So I’ll leave ’em here, and then I’ll just split.”He filled every stocking and then took his leave,With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,Saying, “Take me home Rudolph, this night’s been a bitch!”The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,”The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!”