2 pshycologists met each other in a street one day.
One said to the other, “You’re good today, how am I?
Author: admin
If this company ran Christmas…
If Dell ran Christmas…Wait a minute? Isn’t IBM running this Christmas..?
Counting Dog
One day a farmer was bragging to his neighbor that his dog was so smart he could count.
The other farmer didn’t believe him, so the first farmer ordered his dog to go count the geese in the pond out back. The dog took off, came back, and barked 4 times.
Both farmers went out back to check if the dog was right, and sure enough there were 4 geese in sight.
Back at the farm house the neighbor said that the dog was lucky and wanted more proof, so the farmer sent the dog off again.
This time the dog came back and barked 6 times, and when they went to check, sure enough there were 6 geese.
But the neighbor was still unsatisfied, and demanded another demonstration, so the first farmer agreed to send the dog out one more time.
On the dogs return he started humping his masters leg, then picked up a stick and started shaking it.
“I knew that fool dog couldn’t count,” said the neighbor triumphantly.
“Oh, yes he can,” said the farmer, “you just can’t understand him. He just said there are more fucking geese than you can shake a stick at.”
Tres hombres, un catal�n, un
Tres hombres, un catal�n, un vasco y un madrile�o, se perdieron en la selva y fueron capturados por unos can�bales.
El rey de los can�bales le dijo a los prisioneros que pod�an salvar sus vidas si lograban pasar una prueba que conten�a dos partes: La primera parte de la prueba, era volver a la selva y conseguir diez unidades de una misma fruta. Entonces cada uno de los tres hombres tom� su camino a la selva para encontrar las frutas. El Vasco regres� y le dijo al rey:
“Me llamo Patxi, yo traje 10 manzanas.”
El rey le explic� la segunda parte de la prueba:
“Ahora tienes que meterte por el recto cada una de las frutas. �Sin poner ninguna expresi�n en la cara, o te comemos!”
La primera manzana entr�, pero con la segunda, el vasco se retorci� de dolor, por lo que inmediatamente lo mataron. El catal�n lleg� y le mostr� al rey diez cerezas. Cuando el rey le explic� la segunda parte de la prueba, el hombre pens� que ser�a tarea muy f�cil, entonces empez�:
1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7.. 8.. 9 y justo en la novena cereza, solt� una carcajada y lo mataron.
El vasco y el catal�n se encontraron en el cielo, y el vasco le pregunt� al otro:
“Oye Pere, �y usted porque solt� la carcajada, si ya casi lo hab�a logrado?”
A lo que el catal�n le contesta:
“No pude evitarlo, es que vi al tontolava del madrile�o, �llegando con PI�AS!”
Llega un tipo a la
Llega un tipo a la farmacia y le pide al encargado:
“Por favor, deme espuma de afeitar”.
“�Lleva tambi�n los rastrillos?”
“No, ya tengo en mi casa”.
“Pues si no compra los rastrillos, no le puedo vender la espuma”.
El tipo se sale sin comprar lo que necesitaba, pero vuelve al d�a siguiente:
“Por favor, deme una pasta de dientes”.
“�Lleva tambi�n el cepillo?”
“No, ya tengo en mi casa”.
“Pues si no compra el cepillo, no le puedo vender la pasta dental”.
Se va el tipo nuevamente sin nada, pero regresa al d�a siguiente y le dice al dependiente:
“Tome, meta la mano en esta bolsa, por favor”.
“�Pero si es mierda!”
“S�, es que hoy quer�a papel higi�nico”.
Cows…
Q. Why do cows have bells?
A. Becuase thier horns dont work!!
One quart today
Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago.
He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he’d left his plane ticket on top of his dresser.
He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen.
He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.
She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out, and squeezed her left tit.
“Leave only one quart of milk,” she said. “Jon won’t be here for breakfast tomorrow.”
Sleep With Me
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
“I can’t, dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”
SLPASH
WHT DO YOU CALL A POOL FULL OF WHITE PEOPLE?
RICE CRISPIES
Representantes de Kentucky Fried Chicken
Representantes de Kentucky Fried Chicken se re�nen para negociar con el Papa; le proponen pagarle $1’000,000 por cambiarle al padrenuestro una simple palabra: en lugar de decir el ‘pan’ nuestro de cada d�a, decir el ‘pollo’ nuestro de cada d�a. Pero el Sumo Pont�fice no accede.
“Yo no puedo cambiar las palabras del padrenuestro. Es pecado”.
Entonces, los negociantes prometen pagarle $10’000,000 en efectivo y un 10% de las ganancias de las ventas. En ese momento, el Santo Padre se queda pensando y saca su tel�fono celular del bolsillo y llama al 1-800-CIELO, y pregunta:
“�Se encuentra el Jefe?”
“No, habla con San Pedro, �qu� se le ofrece?”
“San Pedro, �usted podr�a decirme cu�ndo termina el contrato con las panader�as?”
Three men and a group of canibals
There was a French man, a German man and an American man. They
were all travelling together on a far off island looking for
treasure. They soon ran into a group of canibals who wished to
eat them. The leader spoke up and said:
“Here, you may kill yourselves with a weapon of your choice,
then we shall eat you and save your skins to make our canoes.”
The French man said “Here’s to all the wine in Bordeaux, from my
wonderful country,” then he shot himself in the head.
The German man said “Here’s to all the beautiful women in my
beloved country,” then he stabed himself through the heart.
The American said “Here’s so that you can’t make me into a
canoe,” then he stabbed himself several times all over his body
with a fork.
What is this?
A German, a Pollock, and a Jew sit down at the bar.The Bartender says, “What is this, some kind of Joke?”